Lester's Notes
by suedesigns101
Summary: Lester's unique perspective on love and life
1. Chapter 1

Lester's Notes

Chapter 1

JE owns them and graciously allows us to share them with her

Memo:

To all employees - a weekly inventory of first aid kits in company

Vehicles revealed several items that are not on the inventory list.

In the future, if an item is in short supply or a new type of first aid

Item is needed please report it to Bobby. Do **not** add any items to the kit

Without authorization!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey Bomber, how are you feeling today?"

"A little better Bobby, but I have a really bad headache."

"I knew you would, just remember that you and Mary Lou aren't 16 anymore and leave the cheerleading stunts to those that are. However, I will say that you looked hot in your cheerleading uniform. I always loved to watch the cheerleaders." He handed her a McD's bag with the cure.

"Thanks, it's nice to know it still fits. Mary Lou will probably be popping out baby number four in nine months. Lenny was looking at her like he did when he was on the football team and she was a cheerleader. Now she doesn't have to use the look but don't touch mantra so he probably got really lucky last night. It was a great barbeque I just wished I hadn't had so much to drink."

"Steph, can you give me a hand this morning?"

"For you anything Bobby, but I would never say that to Lester." she said laughing.

"I have to do the weekly inventory of the first aid kits in the company vehicles. It's really easy, I will give you a list of what's supposed to be in the kit and the amount. Your write down the number of the vehicle, inventory what's on the list and then we will go back and add the missing items."

"Well, that sounds easy enough I can't think of anyway I can mess that up."

I was really glad Steph had agreed to help me. It was a boring but necessary job and with Steph's help we could get it done in half the time and it would be fun. I always love working with her, she just chatters along and it's fun listening to her voice her stream of consciousness thought process.

She may start out talking about the Rangers hockey game, skip to the new scoreboard, then wonder if men had a scoreboard in their minds for rating their dates with women(they do) then onto where the merry men met the women they dated and if you could call it a date, and then she would answer her own question probably in bars(is their any other place), then she would wonder out loud where they took their dates. Then she would blush while she thought and then said the merry men just took their dates to bed (so true). Then she would skip and say I'm tired and I'm hungry, oh I have no food in my apartment should I go to my mother and get leftovers? No, I can't do that because I would have to stay for dinner in that madhouse and I want to be home for the Rangers game.

This was why the guys loved to be around her. It was how we found out that she was short of money and needed to bring in more FTAs, also how we found out about her stalkers, her fights with Morelli, it was also how Tank found out how she got the bruise on her cheek. The next night Morelli was admitted to the hospital for being jumped and mugged by two men (twelve men had volunteered for the assignment but two lucky ones picked the short straws)

As I was listening to her conversation I heard her say "Hmmm…. These aren't on the list. Well, I'll add them to the bottom and ask Bobby later."

She moved to the next vehicle counting the items. "Well, there are none of them in this kit. I'll make a note for Bobby." I have to admit I was getting curious. I was counting out the first aid kit I had opened and I came to an "unauthorized" item. "What the Fuck!"

"Steph! Have you found any extra items in your inventory?"

"Yes I have."

"What did you find?"

"I think you better come over and look for your self"

I looked at her and she was blushing. I walked over to the SUV she was sitting in and looked at the items.

"God dammit! Steph, I'm sorry I had no idea that these would be in the kits. They weren't there last week. I'll take care of the rest of the vehicles and fill the kits and remove the extra items. You go on upstairs and how about I take you to lunch when I am finished."

"That's great just come and get me."

I filled the shortages and removed the extra items. I took them up to Ranger's office and laid them out on his desk. He looked up at me

"Explain"

"These items were added to the first aid kits this week, they weren't there last week"

"Have you looked to see which asshole used all the vehicles in question?"

"Yes- it was…."

"**SANTOS !"**

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Lester's note: **Do not leave condoms or lubricants in company first aid kits. These are not considered company emergency first aid supplies."

Appointment on mats with Ranger 0400 and Bobby 0500(if I am still conscious).


	2. Chapter 2

Lester's Notes

Chapter 2

JE owns them and I play with them

She makes oodles of money I make none

It had a busy and exhausting week. We had brought in six high dollar FTA's. We were down two men. Hal and Binkie were in the hospital recovering from surgery. Hal took a bullet to his leg and Binkie was hit in the shoulder. Bobby was exhausted staying in the hospital with them. I thought I would drop by and say hello. I had also picked up some 'adult' Magazines. Binkie would enjoy them and Hal would enjoy them after he stopped turning red.

Vince and Ram were outside in the hallway standing guard. There was a line of nurses and nurse's aids trying to get into the room. Vince and Ram looked at me and Vince gave me a look that meant just stand, wait and listen.

"Don't you have anything better to do! Don't you have jobs to do instead of bothering these patients! **I want to see your supervisor now**! Oh,you are here! Who is taking care of all the other patients? I want everyone cleared out of this room immediately!"

The nurses and aids ran out of the room and on their heels was none other than our beautiful Bombshell. Then she turned around narrowed her eyes and looked between Vince and Ram "I suppose you think this funny - and I see those smiles and smirks! What do you have in your hands? Let me see …You should be ashamed. Your friends are laying those beds suffering in pain and you two are out here collecting names and numbers. Give them to me! I'll take care of them for you!"

I winked at Vince "You're absolutely right Beautiful they are being thoughtless. I'll take them over and put them in the trash for you."

"Lester, I'm not a fool, if I did give them to you, you give them back after you shared them. Did you bring something for the boys (boys? They are both over 25 and stand over 6'4") what did you bring them? Oh! This is disgusting Lester!"

"But, Beautiful we only read the articles - we don't look at the pictures do we Ram?"

"Shut up Lester! I'm sure that line has never worked on your mothers and it sure as hell doesn't work with me."

I walked into the guy's room behind Beautiful. What a view especially if you are an ass man and I was. She went first to Binkie and kissed his cheek, telling how worried she was and she would be here for him during his recovery. Then she walked over to Hal and sat on his bed and touched his cheek with a kiss and put her hand on his arm.

Bobby, who was half asleep, jumped up when Hal's monitors started going off.

"Jesus Steph, are you trying to give Hal a stroke or heart attack"

"Bobby, all I did was kiss Hal's cheek!"

"That'll do it Bomber!"

I was standing thinking I wouldn't mind having Beautiful taking care of me in the hospital. Thinking of Beautiful in a nurse's uniform could start more than a few fantasies. Uh Oh! Think box scores, think um quick grocery list, Confession ahh…Grandma Mazur …yep that always works.

"When do you guys get discharged?"

"This afternoon under a tyrant Brown's care."

"Do you want me to bake you a pan of brownies?"

"No that's okay Ella has it covered."

"I don't mind really"

How did one tell the Beautiful Stephanie that her brownies were as hard as Concrete… and more than likely they would be burnt. If the control room saw her carrying in the pan of brownies we immediately pulled out the milk and wide mouth glasses so we could dunk them. It was the only way to eat them without wearing your teeth down to the gums. Beautiful, kindhearted, generous she is- a Baker she is not. But, not one of us would hurt her feelings. So we soak them and eat them.

On the way out of the hospital, Ram and Vince who had been relieved of duty had retrieved the phone numbers from the trash along with the magazines. Bobby, Steph and I discussed a night out for dancing and drinking.

Steph said she would call the girls and we would line up the guys for tomorrow night.

The next night I picked up Steph and we met up with Tank, Ram, Bobby, Cal, Zero, Manny and the rest of the group at the new bar Wahoo's. We found a couple of tables and put them together and ordered a round of Tequila Shots. I was surprised that Steph did a shot.

"Hey Little Girl you look beautiful tonight. That red dress is gonna start a riot here tonight."

"Thanks Tank! How do you like my boots?" She raises her leg to show off the slickest pair of black leather boots with 4" heels. All eyes at the table and most of the bar were focused on Steph's legs.

"Well, little girl if the tight red dress didn't do it the boots certainly will. Wanna dance little girl?"

"What about Lula?"

"She is busy talking to Connie"

"Well, then it is her loss" as she walked with Tank to the dance floor. Next thing I saw that Bobby had joined them dancing. I stood up to join them when I looked across the room at a beautiful woman. I started to walk toward her. She gave me a really large smile and wave and I waved back…

**Lester's Note:** Just because a beautiful woman waves at you and smiles be sure to glance behind you to make sure her 6'8" professional football player husband isn't standing behind you. Lesson learned -8 days in traction and Beautiful didn't show up once in a nurse's uniform but she did show up in halter tops and really short, short skirts. Funny how I kept dropping stuff off the bed...

A/N I forgot to include this yesterday…Thank you to all who read Nothing Is As It Seems To Be who encouraged me to expand the Lester notes that appeared at the end of some of the chapters. A special thank you to DyanSwan and Financebabe for all their encouragement and support.


	3. Chapter 3

Lester's Notes

Chapter 3

JE owns them and lets all of us borrow them

We had just gotten home from a mission and I had given Cal a hard time. Steph was really angry and I was given as part of my "punishment" 60 days of Grandma Mazur duty. I think I would have preferred a drop in a box in a third world country.

This almost 80 year old woman is a sex crazed pervert and to make matters worse she likes **me** and that scares me even if I am a certified Bad Ass. You would be scared to if she leered at you and wiggled her hips at you. She has grabbed my ass so many times with her bony fingers I'm always sporting bruises (try and explain that to the current date of the night). Now I have 60 days of guarding her. I need a guard to guard me and to make matters worse for this duty they have me partnered with Hector.

They think I don't know why I was given Hector as a partner for this assignment but I do. It's because he always has the ffffnnng camera with him. Every thing that pink haired pervert does to me will be documented.

9:00 am

Pick up Grandma and take her to Confession and Mass. Well, I'm Catholic and so is Hector so I informed him we will be going to Confession and Mass, Hector was **not** happy.

I figured

1 I was going to go around with a clean slate from God because I may need it after I have to deal with Grandma.

2 How much trouble can Grandma get into at church.

3 if she does get into trouble Hector can't take a camera into church to record it.

Grandma's confession took 6 minutes My confession took 8 minutes; one of the more unknown facts about me is that with the lifestyle I lead I go to confession every week. Hector evidently does not share this philosophy, so he was in the confessional for 45 minutes. Grandma looked at me and said she wished she was a fly on the wall for Hector's confession. Me? I would not want to hear one word of the confession Hector was making. Hector exited and gave me a look that said without words - he was going to need to go back to confession after he got done with me.

After Mass we got in the SUV and I asked Grandma where she wanted to go. She said she wanted to go to Pleasures Treasures. I whipped out my list consulted it and told her it was **not** on the approved activities list.

"Do you mean to tell me that they gave you a list of activities I could participate in and places I could go?"

"Yes, Mrs. Mazur"

"Lester"

"Yes, Mrs. Mazur"

"Lose the Mrs. Mazur, just call me Grandma."

"Okay Grandma, where do you want to go?"

"How about White Marsh Gun Shop I want to get a smaller gun. Is that on the list?"

"No Grandma (because they didn't think of it.)"

"Good"

She traded in her gun for a smaller gun and talked Hector into giving her a lesson on the gun range. He cringed at first but before long the three of us were laughing and having a great time. All her shots were in the paper target groin area and believe me she was accurate.

Hector asked "Grandma how did you know I speak English?"

"Because I kept talking and watching your face and every time I said something outrageously dirty you would flinch."

"You are a cagey old lady Grandma!" replied Hector

"Where would you like to go now Grandma?"

"I'm supposed to meet my friends at the Mall at 12 noon is that okay boys?"

"Sure, Grandma that's on the approved list."

When we got to the mall we met up with Grandma's friends. For little old ladies they were kind of cool. We sat around the food court and had lunch. Miss Betty pulled a tin of homemade cookies out and offered some of them to Hector and me.

I woke up with my head on the food court table with Hector's arm laying across my shoulders. **what the hell!**

"Hector! Get the Hell off of me!"

"Lester sweetie I have often wondered about you." murmured Hector

"Shut Up and put those thoughts in a deep dark place in your anatomy!

Where's Grandma!"

"I don't know sweetie"

"Hector! SHUT UP! Where is Grandma!"

Then I realized my keys to the Rangeman SUV were missing. Oh God I was so dead, I was even more grateful that I went to Confession and Mass this morning. Quick think, have I committed any sins since then? I had lustful thoughts about the beautiful woman in Victoria's Secret when we walked by. Okay, I can't be kept out of heaven for a few lust filled thoughts can I?

I looked up and leading the charge was Steph, followed by Ranger, Tank, Bobby (who was smirking damn him) Hal (who was blushing) and Cal. Then came Grandma and her friends followed by Ram and Vince.

"EXPLAIN!"

"They drugged us with their cookies! They stole my keys! Where were they…?"

"They took the Rangeman SUV down to Tiny's Tattoo Palace!" yelled Steph "They each got a tattoo! What am I going to tell my mother!"

"That she didn't put Tiny's Tattoo Palace on her list of places not to go."

Lester's Note

I'm on a blanket and I can hear the waves. Hmmm..someone is rubbing my back and oh God. Hector Get the Hell Away from ME! Where are we!


	4. Chapter 4

Lester's Notes

Chapter 4

JE owns them We share them and then we regretfully give them back

I heard Beautiful and Ella talking. Evidently, according to Beautiful, she goes to the produce department in the grocery store at dinnertime. The reason for this is because this is when the "hot" guys stop in after work to pick up their dinner. Hmmmmm…..

Steph told Ella since Ranger told her he didn't want a relationship with her and going back to Morelli was not an option she was looking for new ways to meet men besides going to bars. Lula had read in a magazine to meet men in a grocery store or a Laundromat, and it seemed to be working. She had met a couple of nice guys and had a date with one of them tomorrow night.

Well, first of all I am not telling the guys that Steph is a free agent. I'm keeping that to myself. Reasons

1 Is that Mr. No Relationship One Word may have told his Babe he doesn't do relationships but he will probably change his mind.

2 I promised myself 3 years ago that if Steph is ever a free agent, even if it is for 2 minutes I'm moving in.

Now I have to change my schedule for tomorrow night so I can follow Steph on her date to check out the new guy. I have to make sure she is safe and hasn't picked up a new stalker while she was squeezing tomatoes.

I need some fruit and contraband snacks. I will follow Steph tonight and see if she goes grocery shopping. I'll also scope out who is there and see if anyone approaches her. Good God, Steph is walking around the grocery store and 3, not so subtle, guys are following her. First guy is watching her, does a u-turn in the aisle almost knocking out Guy 2 and Guy 3. Whoa! Here comes Guy 1 pretending to look at his list and his cart runs straight into Steph's cart. He apologizes and passes time discussing the bottle of olives in her hand. She tells him how great they are especially when you slice them and put them on a peanut butter sandwiches. He turns a little green and smiles at her tells her he had never had a peanut butter olive sandwich before and grabs a bottle of olives. He proceeds down the aisle and waits at the end to see the next direction Steph takes.

Guy 2 approaches and picks out a bottle of olives and says to Steph have you ever sliced these and put them on a peanut butter sandwich?

She gives him the biggest smile and then they discuss the sandwich.

Now this guy is full of bull but, I have to give him credit he was given an opportunity and he seized it.

Guy 3 Decides to wait for another product Steph looks at.

Steph heads to another aisle and it turns to be the pet aisle. She stops to pick up Hamster Pellets Guy 1 zooms down the aisle picks up a different brand of Hamster Pellets and asks Steph which one she uses and why she prefers it because his hamster isn't happy with the food he is buying him. This guy no more has a hamster than I have an alligator in my bathtub. If you look at his jacket it has cat hair on it - a very lethal combination for the rat excuse me hamster. I find myself internally laughing because I'm not giving my position away. This guy is good, now he is asking if pine shaving are better than cedar shavings. If I would let him date Beautiful he is going to have to go out and buy a hamster.

Guy 3 is getting desperate, he need to make an opportunity happen. Oh, I see what he is doing, he stops his cart in front of Steph's cart. She is so busy talking to Guy1 she pushes her cart right into Guy 3. Now Guy 1 is totally forgotten while she apologizes to Guy 3 and pats him and consoles him in his moment of hurt. Oh pleeze Steph you can't seriously fall for that old ploy. After a few moments Beautiful continues on her way and makes her way into the **Feminine products aisle!** Where no single guy would be caught dead in. Well, I'll be - Guy 2 follows her. Let's scratch him off the list - he's married. Only married guys would pick up tampons because they know their wives would kill them if they didn't bring them home. Steph notices his purchases - gives him a disgusted look and travels on.

Okay, we've finally made it to the produce department. Steph picks up grapes, a couple of apples, strawberries and some chocolate dip for the strawberries (don't think of this combination it might start…oh crap to late, think baseball statistics, elements on the periodic chart, the women of the Cut and Curl - oh yeah that takes care of things) She then throws a bag of baby carrots into the cart (obviously for Rex) and then she reaches the melons. Guy 1 is right there picks up two melons and gets distracted and starts to stare at Steph's chest. Okay, I have had enough I don't like the way he is looking at Steph and I then I hear him say "Can I help you thump your melons?" while still staring at her chest.

I walk up put my arms around her and kiss her for all I was worth. Time stopped, kiss intensified, I finally knew what heaven was like.

We came up for air, Guy 1 was gone and so were the others.

"What took you so long Les, I thought I was going to have to actually have to do more shopping" she laughed. "I have been waiting for months for you to step up, if Ella hadn't noticed you the other day so I could drop the information about meeting guys at the grocery store I'd still be waiting.

By the way you are my date for tomorrow night. I'll supply the strawberries and chocolate dip for when we get back to my place."

Lester note: I should have followed rule 2 three years ago and nobody is thumping Beautifuls melons but me!


	5. Chapter 5

Lester's Notes

Chapter 5

JE owns them, she lets us borrow them if we promise to return them.

"Look Beautiful, there is nothing to be nervous about."

"But, I am Lester. I've read all about it. I've talked about it with Ranger but I'm still afraid of doing it."

"Did Ranger show you how to do it?"

"No"

"He didn't even try?"

"No, he said my initial reaction to it was enough to put it off till I figured it out."

"Okay, well I guess I am the better man. I wouldn't leave you in the lurch like this."

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"To use an overused phrase a man's got to do what a man's got to do. I guess I'm your man Beautiful."

"Okay Lester what do I do first?"

"Well, first Steph have to relax we can't do this if you are all tense"

"Now watch me Steph, first you lift it up"

"Okay, I've lifted it up."

"Now see I aim it for the hole."

"It won't fit Lester."

"Of course it will fit."

"The hole is too tight Lester."

"It's not to tight Beautiful; they were made to fit together."

"It won't fit in Lester."

"It will I tell you. I have taught many women how to do this."

"I guess I'm a failure."

"You're not a failure, just relax Beautiful."

"Maybe if you slide a little to the side you can slip it in that way."

"No Steph it's made to go in straight"

"Why does it curve like that if it's supposed to go in straight?"

"I don't know it just works that way'

"Well, it's not working now"

"Why don't I get straight behind you, because I am 8 inches taller than you I will scrunch down a little and try to see it at your angle?"

"Do you think that will work?"

"Well, it won't hurt to try"

"Hurt?"

"It is just a figure of speech Beautiful."

"Well, that didn't work either."

"Patience beautiful, just give me a minute.

"Lester, just ram it in really hard."

"Stephanie, that's delicate equipment, it might break!"

"Lester, I have to do this, Ranger told me he is making it mandatory!"

"Really, hummm mandatory are you sure?"

"Of course I am sure!"

"Well, in that case we will persist with this. I won't fail you Steph."

"Lester we did it! I did it Lester! Can we do it again? Pleeease Lester let's do it again!"

"Just give me a minute Beautiful."

"Lester, I neeeed to do it again! I have to do it right now before I forget!"

"Okay Steph, I got the cap on, you pull it over there and I will bring up my truck and you can pump the gas. Do you have the paper so I can sign it for you?"

**Memo: To all employees**

Rangeman has installed a gas tank and you will be responsible for pumping your own gas. All employees must be signed off on this new procedure by a member of the Core Team.

**Lester's Notes:**

I have to make sure a camera is directed at the gas pump. I can't wait to see Steph, in her short skirts, bending over to pump her own gas. To think I taught her how to do it….Next week's lesson

the clutch!

**Susan's note:**

Thank you to JerseySue for the suggestion that Lester should teach Steph how to pump her own gas.


	6. Chapter 6

Lester's Notes

Chapter 6

JE owns them; I borrow them and return them in good condition (mostly)

A/N To clear up any misunderstanding from Chapter 5, New Jersey has a law that bans self service gas stations. It is against the law to pump your own gas which is why Steph did not know how to pump gas. This law was passed in 1949. Only one other state has this law it is Oregon.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Well, I'm back from the beach where I was sent for punishment. I would have enjoyed the experience except for the fact that Ranger had sent Hector. I spent my day running from him and trying to get off the island. The only peace I got was at night when I climbed a tree to sleep.

It is a good thing I had survival training and knew which bugs and grubs were edible. Hector may have had survival training in the ghetto but he didn't know anything about bug eating. He will probably never eat another banana.

There was no way to get off this island, not enough wood to build a raft, no ships to flag down, to bad I didn't have a soccer ball to name Wilson all I had was Hector. Wilson would have been preferable. Finally after 7 long days Tank sailed up. We had to swim to get to the boat, apparently they didn't teach swimming skills to Hector either. After trying to help him and him fear fighting me I punched him and knocked him unconscious. Yes, it felt good to punch his lights out after this past week. I had to lifeguard style drag him to Tank's boat. Tank was laughing his ass off and I reminded him that the next time we had to jump out of a plane I wouldn't soft talk him into it I would put my size 14 to his ass and kick him out of the damn plane - that shut him up.

When I got back to my apartment I locked the door and shoved the entertainment cabinet in front of it. I took a 30 minute shower, climbed into my bed with 2 of my guns and a machete I wasn't taking any chances that Hector would find a way in. I made a mental note to buy a 5 bag of saltpeter and feed the whole thing to Hector.

When I woke up I opened my laptop and looked at my work schedule. God, I was on Grandma Duty tomorrow I wonder if the past 7 days on the island counted in the 60 day punishment. Probably not. My cell phone rang ID Steph I decided to ignore it and it went to voicemail. I went back to bed.

What the hell! Someone was ripping the door off my apartment and shoving my entertainment cabinet to the side. In walked Ranger and Steph followed by Bobby and Tank. I'm sitting in bed with a gun in both hands and my machete lying next to me on the bed and I had nothing on. I pulled the sheet up, Steph is blushing, and Ranger, Tank and Bobby are laughing.

"What's with the barricade Santos?" asks Ranger grinning.

"I'm not taking a chance that sneaky little bastard Hector will get in here!"

"Yeah we had the satellite images of your evasion tactics regarding Hector"

"What do you want I'm tired."

"Lester, I'm so sorry. It was my idea to send Hector. I had no idea that Hector loved you and was in love with you." said Steph twisting her hands with tears running down her face. "Ranger tells me the 60 days have to stand but, he is willing to count the 7 days on the island with Hector as punishment so now you only have 51 days left to guard Grandma."

"Ranger, keep Hector away from me!"

"Now, Now Lester you don't want to hurt his feelings…"

"Stifle it Tank! I told you how I would deal with you if you didn't shut up"

"Oh you are in one bad mood, the guys are really enjoying the video of your towing Hector to the Boat - especially Cal, he says it reminds him of your SEAL days before you jumped ship to the Rangers"

"OUT!"

The next day I was suited up for my stint as Grandma's bodyguard. My partner was Hal. We pulled up in front of the Plum's and out pranced Grandma in a blue sundress with work boots. (hey, I'm not her fashion consultant. I'm just glad she's dressed)

"Lester, I've missed you so much! You haven't seen my tattoo yet. She shows me her upper arm stretches the skin tight and there it is a tattooed heart and in it is 'Lester loves Edna" the only saving grace is that when she let her skin go you couldn't see it through all that wrinkled skin. Hal was openly laughing now. He thinks it's funny now but, I'll get even.

"Where do you want to go Mrs. Mazur?"

"Lester, you know you agreed to call me Grandma"

I gritted my teeth "Where to Grandma?"

"I need to go to confession and Mass"

Grandma went into confession first I asked Hal if he was Catholic he replied that he wasn't. When Grandma came out I cuffed her to Hal and told both of them to sit. I needed to confess to all the murderous thoughts that had been crossing my mind for the last 8 days. When I came out they were gone…I found them and Grandma was lighting candles. I released the cuffs so we could go to Mass.

We ended up at the movies. I checked the list, movies were approved but some specific movies were banned. I bought our tickets, drinks, popcorn and candy. As we were walking into the theater Grandma grabbed for my junk and found nothing but my cup, Hal wasn't so lucky. He yelped like a wounded animal, I smiled.

I thought we had her settled but she kept making us change seats. I finally got her settled and then we had to make 2 trips to the ladies room. I made Hal go in and stand outside the booth she was in. The manager approached me and I told him we were bodyguards for a famous singer's grandmother and I promised him an autograph. (make note to self to confess this)

After the third trip to the bathroom I got her settled down again. This time I cuffed her to her seat and took away her big gulp.

Fifteen minutes later the theater lights came on and standing at the end of the aisle was Steph, Ranger, Tank and Bobby. I stood up, released the handcuffs put my head down and walked out of the theater. Who the hell gave Grandma a panic button?

Xxxxxxxx

Lester's Notes

I woke up with snowflakes falling on my face I looked around and recognized the landscape, I had been here before. Siberia is nice this time of year. I wonder if Tatiana is still here in her dacha….

Dacha - Russian country home


	7. Chapter 7

Lester's Notes

Chapter 7

JE Owns them, I borrow them, and I very reluctantly return them

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I had never had trouble meeting women or when I was younger girls. I learned how to flirt from watching my Dad. He had it perfected and his target for practice was my only woman in his life was my mother and he was intensely focused on her and her alone. He'd come home from work and sneak up behind her wrap his arms around her and say "Hey Beautiful" and nuzzle her neck and then kiss her. We ate a lot of burnt dinners because she'd forget supper While he kissed her. My brothers and I would groan and make kissy noises and faces. They would just break apart my mother would blush and my Dad would just grin his lopsided grin and smack my Mom on the butt.

My first kiss was when I was 5 and it was in the coat closet in Kindergarten. I was sent to the Principal's office. No one would believe me that Patty had kissed me first, I just liked it so I kissed her back.

When I was in 5th grade I went to my first boy girl party and on the way over my Dad told me to watch my manners and keep my lips to myself. I didn't listen-I suggested spin the bottle I kissed every girl there except the girl who gave the party, she went crying to her parents - my dad came and got me. "I thought I told you to keep your lips to yourself Lester."

"I did Dad they kissed me so I had to kiss them back. You told me to watch my manners."

"Who suggested Spin the Bottle Lester."

"I did Dad. Ryan told me it was a great party game and you told me…"

"I know Lester. I told you to mind your manners."

"Adults bring wine bottles to people's houses when they visit. I brought a coke bottle because I was minding my…"

"Manners." said my Dad

When we got home my mother was standing in the doorway. "What did you expect Dave - he is your son and he loves to kiss just as much as you do. Look at him - you cloned him! He not only is the spitting image of you but he acts just like you. I remember when you came to my house with a coke bottle and there was no party going on" she laughed. He put his arm around her shoulder "Beautiful, have you ever thought about a little girl?"

Nine months later my sister Lizzie was born and my Dad called her Spin.

When I was fourteen I asked a girl out on a date. I made arrangements with my older brother to drive for the amount of money to buy a six pack of beer. We picked up my date. My brother's mouth hung open. It was Bonnie Lee and she was 17, a cheerleader and built like the proverbial brick shit house.

I was making out in the back seat with Bonnie Lee when my brother pulled up to the party. My door opened up and my Dad grabbed me out of the back seat. He said hello to Bonnie Lee and asked my brother to drive her home but, not before he told her I was just 14. She was shocked; after all I was already 6'2".

"Lester, you are 14 and 6'2" and still growing. You are not a man yet, you have got to slow down and be 14 and leave the older women to the older men and remember your manners." He laughed as we pulled into the driveway and my Mom was at the door.

We walked in my Dad threw his arm over my Mom's shoulder and "Hey Beautiful" they walked into the kitchen he swatted my Mom's butt and picked up Spin gave her a great big kiss looked at me "If you ever forget your manners know this-the girl you are with is somebody's daughter and somebody's sister." He then handed me Spin and she looked up and smiled and gave me a hug and a kiss.

I walked into my house and my wife was attempting to cook dinner. I wrapped my arms around her nuzzled her neck and gave her a great big hello kiss and said "Hey Beautiful, what's cooking?"

She looked at me with those beautiful blues laughed and said "I think it is you Lester so mind your manners" and I smacked her on her butt.

Lester's Note: I think I'm going to forget about my manners tonight…


	8. Chapter 8

**Lester's Notes**

**Chapter 8**

**JE owns them…you know the disclaimer drill.**

**Steph was having one of her hissie fits about independence. Ranger had evidently put his foot in his mouth again by demanding more trackers and even wanted poor Rex chipped, we could hear the argument through the closed door of his office. The door to his office flew open so hard the **

**Door knob put a hole in the wall board again. I suggested to Louis that he pad behind the wall with a layer of rubber. He mumbled he had suggested it but Ranger vetoed it saying if Babe was going to continue to be in his life he was going to need a rubber room. **

**Steph entered the hallway waving her arms yelling if she didn't watch out the next thing she would be wearing a dog collar and leash! Now that was something to day dream about….and I wasn't the only one, looking at the faces on Cal, Manny and Vince. Just the image of Steph….**

**She continued her way through the office and on to the elevator throwing Ranger the bird as the doors closed. She jumped in her car and took off almost taking the gates with her.**

"**BACK TO WORK"**

About an hour later Steph's trackers came to a stop on Rt 17. Manny reported it to Ranger who said "Has she called or set off the panic button?"

"No Sir"

"Well, she wants independence, let her sit and figure it out, just keep a close eye on her."

SPOV

This damn POS just quit working as if I haven't had a lousy enough day. If I had one more tracker on my person, I wouldn't be able to move. My big fear is they will start communicating with each other, they will get together and combust leaving me in a little pile of ashes. I can't believe he would even think of putting a micro chip in Rex - poor helpless Rex -my God is Ranger a monster to even think such a thing.

I called AAA to report my car and they said someone would be right out.

It has been one hour and I really have to go to the bathroom where are they?

I thought with my car sitting still for so long Ranger or one of the MM would drop by. Guess he actually listened to me and is giving me my space …of all the times he actually listens to me. Oh, I really have to go to the bathroom….

Xxxxxxxxx

Ranger Steph's car is still on the side of the road. Binkie rode bye and she is just sitting in the car mumbling."

"Has she called?"

"No"

"Let her sit there."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

SPOV

2 hours later

AAA still hasn't come. I can't wait anymore I have to go the bathroom. I scrunch my way over the console, which is not kind to my already bursting bladde, and open the door

Xxxxxxxxx

"Ranger a car is pulling up behind Steph's car"

"Anyone in the area?"

"Santos"

"Have him stop"

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

SPOV

I get out of the car, shimmy out of my jeans, put my ass on running board of the car and let 'er go…ahh that feels so much better.. And then I hear it. One cough. I look up and a strange man is staring at me

"Miss are you in trouble?"

Oh my God! I jump up my face is flaming red …

Xxxxxxxxxx

"Ranger, you have to come see this!"

Xxxxxxxxxx

SPOV

…I'm trying to pull up my jeans, while saying how embarrassed I am. I had been stuck for almost 3 hours. God, I'm going to die and this will probably be in the burg gossip in less than 10 minutes…

"Yes, Miss it probably will be. I'm from the transit traffic police and we knew you were sitting here but we have to wait so long before we check."

"How did you know I was here?"

With that I hear a full out Lester laugh.

"Look up beautiful! You are parked underneath Traffic control Center Camera and the camera is right over you, recording everything. You have to learn to be more aware…"

"SHUT UP LESTER"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"There she is - My Babe taking a pee for all of New Jersey to see."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lester's note: Beautiful if you have to do that again make sure it isn't winter because, I don't know how I would get your ass off of the running board if it gets frozen to it.


	9. Chapter 9

Lester's Notes

Chapter 9

JE owns them she is generous and lets us share them

Steph and I had the early shift of surveillance on the Stark Street for Alonso B. Treat. He was wanted for kidnapping and rape. I had brought along snack size bags of Cheetos, Potato Chips, Nachos, Pretzels, fun size

Snickers bars, Baby Ruth bars, and a MM pound bag. I also had a cooler of water (for me) Coke and Dr Pepper. I brought all of this along to keep Steph occupied and not twitchy. I had also studied up on all the verbal games I could think of and lined up my questions mentally for the inevitable game of Truth or Dare and Twenty Questions. Sitting at a stakeout with Steph was mentally challenging.

A red 2010 Corvette rumbled by, not uncommon on Stark Street

"Hot Car" yelled Stephanie

"You got that right Beautiful; it is truly a hot car"

A few minutes later a 1956 Turquoise Chevy road by with ear shattering Rap.

"Hot Car" yelled Stephanie

"Yeah Beautiful it's a hot car but it is more a classic car"

"Do you want some candy little girl…."

"God Lester I hope you don't use that line to pick up women …it's creepy!"

I turned and smiled at her and pretended to twirl my moustache like you used to see in cartoons.

She burst out laughing "Lester, no one would ever take you for a villain!"

"That's my charm Beautiful no one would every suspect me of being a bad ass. But, I guarantee I can be a lethal bad ass but never with you Beautiful."

"You know Lester, I trust you with my life."

A black Lamborghini passed by. "Hot Car!" yelled Stephanie

"Not Now Beautiful, our FTA just went into his house. Let's call for backup."

Tank and Ranger pulled up and we got out of the SUV. Ranger made sure Steph's vest was on and strapped properly and her gun was loaded. Tank and I went around back and Ranger and Steph went up the front steps.

Ranger knocked on the door and no one answered. Alonso ran out the back right into the waiting arms of Tank. He was cuffed and more or less dragged to the front and secured in Tank's SUV Ranger and Tank took off for the Cop Shop.

Steph yelled "Hot Car!" pushed me down, and rolled me under a bush with her on top.

I was stunned and said "Beautiful, we should really wait till we are alone."

"Lester, you are an ass!"

Our SUV was totally engulfed in flames and next thing I knew it was exploding.

**Note:** When Beautiful shouts "**HOT CAR" **she means the car is hot it is going to burst into flames.


	10. Chapter 10

Lester's Notes

Chapter 10

JE owns them, I borrow them, and I reluctantly return them.

A/n Thank you to Barb4psu for the idea of Les running out of women in Trenton.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I didn't think it was possible. I had been in a dance club with Bobby and the guys and every single woman I approached gave me the cold shoulder because I had already been with them before. That seemed strange I didn't remember any of them.

Steph and I dropped into a diner on the other side of Trenton to grab lunch before we started to pick up her FTA's. We had a really cute waitress named Suzie I started to flirt a little - give her some Lester charm. Steph rolled her eyes so much it's a wonder she didn't get dizzy. The waitress came back with our lunch and promptly dumped my salad with dressing in my lap. "That's not for calling me back after our date last month Jerk." I didn't remember her either.

We stopped into Tasty Pastry for Steph's afternoon fix of sugar. I was standing in line to get a crispy bear claw when I felt somebody whack me on the back of my head. I turned around and there was this gorgeous blonde with double D's glaring at me. "That's for not calling after the night we spent together when you told me I was a delicious…."

"...Sugarplum" yelled the brunette girl behind the bakery counter just before she threw an apple pie in my face. "That's what he told me too!"

"Me too!" said the redhead dumping her iced mocha chino over my head.….and I didn't remember any of them. Oh God! I'm getting senile..

We went back to Steph's place so I could change my clothes with the extra set I carried. I took a shower, changed, and sat down with Steph on her couch.

"Beautiful, what am I going to do? No matter where I go I evidently have dated all the women in Trenton."

"Well, Lester why don't we go dancing this Friday at a club in Newark? Think about it - a whole new city of women."

Friday night arrived and we were traveling to Newark's newest dance club. We had four cars of guys and 1 Stephanie. The dress that Steph was wearing would need four cars of body guards. It was short, tight, low cut, did I say short. Steph told me she was looking to have a good time because Ranger was in his no relationship mode. We all know his mood swings and knew he would change his mind - again. The new guy Ted aka Hot Shot was salivating over Steph till Tank, Bobby and Ram warned him off. She was a little sister if he liked his life he would consider her a sister too.

The club was loud, crowded and the music was good. I don't know how we managed it but 4 tables magically appeared for us. Maybe, when 16 large, muscular and dangerous looking guys walked in with 1 beautiful girl people decided to give us wide berth. Steph started dancing with Bobby, then Hal, then Hot Shot. I looked over at them while I was doing shots with Tank and saw that Hot Shot had his hand on Steph's ass. She was giving him Hell while taking his hand off her butt. Next time I looked over he had both hands on her ass and Vince and Ram were standing there - oops he's down for the count and Vince is dragging him out. Ram starts dancing with Steph and Vince returned to the table.

"What the Hell was Hot Shot thinking?" asked Tank

"Not good thoughts Tank but Steph stunned him with her mini stun gun. I can't figure where she had it hidden." A moment of silence passed while we tried to picture where she had it. Being her best friend I would ask her. Vince said "I handcuffed Hot Shot in the SUV."

I got up and went on to the dance floor. "Hey Beautiful, I want to dance with you as long as you promise not to stun me. Where are you hiding the stun gun?"

She looked up and whispered in my ear

"You're kidding me, that's where it is?"

"Yup"

Cal came over and cut in and I saw a gorgeous brunette at the bar.

I walked over and asked her if she wanted to dance.

"Not with you **Mr.** Santos, we've played that game before."

"He's played the game with me too"

"Me too!"

I left 6 women at the bar cussing me out and discussing my inability to follow through on my "I will call you."

As I started to walk back to the table a waitress smiled and approached me when she got two feet away she took her tray and started beating me over the head with it yelling that I had never called her back.

I woke up in the emergency room with Steph and Bobby standing next to me.

"What happened? I don't remember any of those women. I must be getting senile."

"I didn't think it was medically possible," said Bobby "You're not getting senile Lester you just screwed your own brains out!"

Lester's Note:

They say recovery time is about a month. I hope by then I will remember if I ever went clubbing in New York City.


	11. Chapter 11

Lester's Notes

Chapter 13

JE will loan them out but she expects them to be returned I borrow them, play with them and sadly return them.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I have never met a man I am afraid of; I have never been on a mission that I was afraid. Aside from Grandma Mazur I have never been afraid of a woman. So it came as a shock to find I was afraid ….of a mouse.

I have a mouse in my apartment. I opened up a cabinet to get out my no fat, no sugar, no taste twigs and bark cereal. I took it down from the cabinet, put it on the counter reached for a bowl and turned to pick up the cereal box and its head popped up with its nose twitching and it beady little eyes looking at me. I dropped the box and the damn thing ran under the stove. Now what do I do? I pulled out the stove and it wasn't there. Where in the hell could it have gone? I pulled out the refrigerator and it wasn't there either. Maybe when it looked at me I scared it and it left.

I have scared grown men enough to piss their pants; a mouse probably took one look at me and left. Yeah that is how it was until….

I got home from a take down. I was tired and hungry. I put my take out down. I actually had a meatball sub but it was on the bottom of the bag and covered up by a huge salad. I turned on the TV took a beer out of the fridge sat down in the chair with my sub put the box of salad on the coffee table stretched back in my Laz e boy to watch a game. I was really enjoying my sub and beer when out of the corner of my eye I saw it. Sitting up on the coffee table watching me with its beady little eyes and twitching its nose was the mouse.

I jumped up spilled my beer and dumped my sub. I chased after it and of course it went under the stove. I pulled it out -not there. I pulled out the refrigerator - not there.

I cleaned up the beer and the meatball sub. I took out another beer and sat down at the computer. One thing they teach you in the military is know your enemy. I declared I would learn everything I could about my enemy. His scientific name is mus musculus meaning little thief. He is 2 ½" to 4" (Mine was a shrimp) their tail can be as long as their body. He matures sexually in 1 month (way to go guy) Uh Oh. He can produce 7 pups (pups?) per litter and is not monogamous (little dude can have a harem) each female mouse can have 6 to 10 litters per year Holy Cow You're outta here buddy!

Armed with this information I headed out to the Home Depot and bought the Victor easy set mouse trap packed 2 to a package. I threw in the glue boards just for good measure. I stopped at the grocery store and bought the top of the line peanut butter, hey it was his last meal. I went home and set the traps according to directions. Problem solved. I got home after my shift went to the cabinet sure to find my executed friend. What I found was the traps had been sprung and the peanut butter licked off. These traps must be defective. The next morning found me at the Home Depot and I bought the Victor power kill trap, I set it according to directions. Next morning traps were still set but peanut butter was gone. What the hell? This time I went to Home Depot I bought the sonic mouse chaser that you plug into the electric socket and it emit's a high pitched sound that drives out the mouse. I plugged them in the kitchen, living room and bedroom. This was supposed to drive him right out. It didn't, I walked into the kitchen and there he was doing the break dance right next to the sonic chaser. I was afraid to go to bed because all I could think of was what if he crawled into bed with me Argggh.

That night I ordered the Super Duper Mouse trap that would draw them to the trap and then electrocute them and it had the capacity to kill up to 10 mice I ordered it for $99.99 plus shipping and handling and I added on overnight shipping total $129.99 I rationalized it was worth the cost I should have gone right for the top of the line weapon.

Bobby came in and saw the traps, sonic chaser and glue boards all sitting empty and he just laughed. He went to his apartment and he walked back in put a DVD in the player and made me watch the movie Mousehunt.

The next day the package arrived. It was in an unmarked box. I guess people didn't want anyone to know they had a mouse problem. I worked in Rangeman and Bobby had passed the word so of course I found all kinds of stuffed mouse toys on my desk. A real life looking catnip mouse was included with the toys. Bastards.

I went down and set up the Electrocution chamber smug that this was the ultimate weapon after all it came with a guarantee. It didn't work. That damn mouse kept coming out each night so I could see him and he could taunt me. I couldn't sleep.

I am a professional soldier …mouse hunter … not so much.

Stephanie dropped in and noticed all the traps she hugged me and kissed me and told me I wasn't a failure I just had a smart mouse. While we were standing there all of a sudden she picked up a broom, swung it over her head and brought it down on the floor next to the stove. She lifted up the broom and there he was flat as a pancake. She swept him into the dustpan and handed it to me, kissed me softly, hugged me and left. I estimate I had spent close to $200.00 and every guaranteed device failed but, a $1.00 broom from the Dollar Store and Bombshell worked.

Lester's note:

If Stephanie lifts a broom over her head, run like hell it may be the last breath you take.


	12. Chapter 12

Lester's Notes

Chapter 12 Grandma

JE continues to own them, I continue to borrow them, I continue to return them

Previously From Chapter 6

I woke up with snowflakes falling on my face I looked around and recognized the landscape, I had been here before. Siberia is nice this time of year. I wonder if Tatiana is still here in her dacha….

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I got myself up, dusted off the snow and started walking. After a couple of miles there was the dacha, smoke coming out of the chimney, lights glowing in the windows.

I hoped Tatiana was there.

I thought back to the last time I was here I had been on a mission and it had gone badly. I stole a plane and was flying back to a safe airfield when the plane lost its engines. I pulled on a parachute that was in the back of the plane kicked the door open and jumped. My chute caught on a branch and I was dangling for a few minutes trying to get to my knife to cut myself loose.

I heard a "Hello up there - did God drop you from the sky for me?"

I looked down at one of the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She had jet black hair, dancing green eyes and even though she was wearing a coat I could tell she had a gorgeous figure. I said "I certainly hope so."

She laughed and I dropped to the ground. That started probably the best, three weeks of my life. I wanted to cry when I was rescued. I wanted to stay. I was rescued by Ranger, Tank and Bobby who just ragged on me about my being stranded and the 'horrible' conditions that existed. I was exhausted I really hadn't gotten a lot of sleep which made them turn it up a notch. It took a year for them to finally let the subject die. I, however, continued to dream about the days and nights in Tatiana's arms, bed, floor, Couch, .Oh yeah happy dreams.

I continued to walk through the snow and I started thinking back to what got me here. Where did Grandma get that tracker? Everyone asked her and she wouldn't tell.

I think she stole it from Steph but when we asked her she just said "I won't tell on the grounds it may incriminate me."

Maybe Ranger took pity on me and this "punishment" is really his way of being nice for taking care of Grandma. He knows how bad she can be, she calls him the package and is always trying to grab his junk. I would have to thank him when he picked me back up. If he had done this and Tatiana was here I promised God I would be a better man and would try to take better care of Grandma.

I didn't think God would mind the word **Try** because he had to know what he had created in her. I think that she was one of his first models and he should have thrown her away. My mother always said a parent should throw away their first born since that was the one you made all the mistakes on. Maybe, Grandma was like that. I mean, think about it, an eighty year old oversexed woman, who wears string bikinis with see through skirts and work boots in the winter wears orange hair extensions to match her bikini. She deliberately goes past constructions sites to wiggle her hips at the workers and call out sexual invitations. Even if you were God, you would have to regret that just a little bit wouldn't you?

I could smell the fire in the fireplace now. Wow an evening snuggled up with Tatiana in front of the fire that would be pure heaven. Maybe Ranger would forget about me for a while. He might get so busy with his Babe I would be forgotten. Now I could smell something cooking and baking. Oh, a romantic dinner in front of the fireplace… I know Tatiana has lots of candles - that's it - a candlelight dinner in front of the fire and then a night of absolute mind blowing sex. I'm ready! I grabbed a bunch of firewood and put it down by the fireplace and walked into the kitchen. Well, her black hair was shorter and she seemed a little taller than I remembered but it had been 6 years.

"Hello Gorgeous!"

She slowly turned around AAArrrrgh!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

When I woke up….

"Lester, sweetie I have been expecting you, Ranger said it wouldn't be that long till you arrived. Grandma and I have been cooking and baking all your favorites all afternoon waiting for you." and then Hector batted his eyes at me. "Tatiana said to tell you thank you for arranging a trip to the French Riviera while we were borrowing her Dacha."

"Grandma and I are so excited we have you all to ourselves for 7 short days…..see how wonderful things worked Grandma I knew if I gave you the tracker …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lester's note:

I don't know what I did to deserve this punishment. please.. please let this be a nightmare.


	13. Chapter 13

Lester's Notes

Chapter 13

JE owns them and shares them, I borrow them and play with them, then I have to send them back

I just don't know what I am doing here. I had just moved in with a great guy and things were going well. We hardly knew each other existed and except for his horrible choices in food most of the time things were very simpatico. He was into his job and spent long hours away from home. When he was home he vegged out in his chair and watched TV. I for the most part I like his choices on the television. Action and adventure movies, lots of car chases, blazing gun battles throw in some romantic interludes for the interest factor and it was great. I would sit quietly and not make any noise, because I didn't want to disturb him and get him mad at me after all, he worked really hard.

On the weekends when he was off we would watch sports. football, baseball and golf. I like football and baseball but, golf not so much, it was just plain boring and the commentators just put a guy to sleep. Maybe, that is why he watched it and he always fell asleep for a nice nap.

When he woke up he would stretch and yawn and flex his magnificent muscles and then he would go take a shower. He'd get dressed, slap on some really good smelling stuff and he would leave again. Like I said he was a great roommate. When he was gone I explored his whole apartment. I would go through his drawers. I loved sleeping on his really large bed and his pillow smelled just like him. His closet had beautiful sweaters on shelves and I really like the green one that matched his eyes. It was so soft.

We existed like this for weeks. I didn't bother him and he didn't bother me..it was paradise. Then one night he finally noticed me. He started chasing me and we had a rousing game of hide and seek. I won - he is not a good sport - he just sulked. Men! He pretended I didn't exist.

The next night he focused his beautiful green eyes on me and I melted. He is gorgeous. He jumped up and ran after me and all I could do was giggle and run and hide from him again. I peeked at him and he was staring and acting stunned. I wiggled my assets at him and he gave chase again.

OOOOHHHH! This is fun! Maybe one of these days…..

He started buying me presents and expensive treats. I appreciated them and him for making me feel special. The next night, he put out yummier tasting treats and presents. He seemed a little frustrated, I guess my appreciation wasn't enough he seemed to want more.

A couple of days later he bought me a surround sound system for our apartment. Isn't he thoughtful. I heard him come home and I started doing a strip tease dance except when I did it I didn't have any clothes on. He stood in the doorway totally speechless. When a girls got it, a girls got it and I had it.

I guess he felt I was pale and compared to his golden color I was. He bought me a tanning bed and set it up for me. I tried it out but all it did was give me tingles and he did that on his own. I hope I don't hurt his feelings but I didn't care for the tanning bed and it came with a warning it could be dangerous for anyone who used its health. I'm sure he didn't realize it was a health hazard.

I heard voices one morning so I came out of the bedroom and walked into the kitchen and that was the last thing I remembered till I woke up here.

"Where am I by the way?"

"You are in mouse heaven."

"Mouse heaven I always heard there was such a place. How did I get here?"

"You were dispatched here at 10:07 AM by the curly haired terminator, we have nicknamed her 'dead eye Steph' she has dispatched many of us to mouse heaven. Today she used a broom but mostly she throws things at us."

"Was she a hit woman hired by Mr. Gorgeous?"

"No, it seems she just stopped in for some of his hugs and kisses."

"But, he was mine…"

"You are delusional. He was always hers; you just lived in a fantasy world…"

"… I know of mice and men."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Lester's note:

I always thought of the mouse as a guy mouse but, I never really knew if it was a girl or not. Maybe Steph is right I need cat…but I'd rather have Beautiful move in with me and I'd just buy her a better broom.


	14. Chapter 14

Lester's Notes

Chapter 14

JE owns them, I share them with her, and I return them to her promptly

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It had been a long, hot summer and now it was raining again. It had been raining for 3 long days and nights. The mood in the control room was bordering on explosive, tempers were rising and threats were being made.

The elevator dinged and the door opened and out walked Steph smiling. She stopped at every cubicle, gave a hug and a kiss to each man and proceeded to her cubicle, turned on her computer and started her searches. We looked at each other and shrugged, the tension seemed to lessen.

I was getting absolutely nowhere on the report I had to have for Ranger in two days. I looked at the facts and figures but they all ran together and made no sense at all. After the third attempt I picked up my stress reliever rubber ball and heaved it across the room where it ricocheted off Cal's head bounced on Beautiful's file cabinet and plunked down in her cup of coffee.

Silence fell across the room.

Steph stood up, turned off her computer, picked up her purse and walked to my cubicle. "Lester you have exactly five minutes to go down and put on a pair of old shorts and old tennis shoes and meet me in my car." She bent down and whispered in my ear "Move your ass right now or as Lula would say I'll pop a cap in it. Your time starts now and don't make me come and get you 4 ½ minutes till your ass is in my car."

I listened to Beautiful and jumped out of my chair and headed to my apartment, threw on the required shorts and carried my tennis shoes because I wouldn't have made the deadline. I didn't know if she was serious about shooting me in the ass but with Steph you never knew.

I made it with 15 seconds to spare.

"Where are we going beautiful?"

"You'll see."

We drove for about 20 minutes and pulled into a park. Steph turned in her seat and said "Get your shoes on and meet me over by the pavilion. You've got 3 minutes or I'll…"

"….pop a cap in my ass."

I made it within the time limit Beautiful had imposed. "Lester, when was the last time you went running?"

"This morning I ran 10 miles on the treadmill."

"Lester, that was not running that, was cardio exercise. I repeat, when was the last time you went running?"

"Tank, Bobby and I ran for 15 miles 3 days ago before it started to rain."

"Lester that was not running that was training. When was the last time you went running?"

"I have been running Stephanie."

"Lester, do you have any idea why I hate running with you and the guys?"

"Because you hate to run."

"No, I love to run that is how I am able to eat all that I do."

"That's bullshit Beautiful. We take you running with us and all you do is whine."

"Because you aren't running, you are training."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"When you go running, you dress in a certain way, you wear special shoes, you do stretches, you start out slow picking up the pace, along the way 3 or 4 times you check your pulse and check your watch, then you continue to run and when you reach the halfway mark you turn around and repeat the whole process."

"That's about right."

"No it is wrong. You are so focused on your respiration, heart rate, time, speed and I'll bet in between all that you are thinking take downs, paperwork, etc. you forget to feel the sun on your face, the smell of a freshly mowed lawn, you don't experience running free feeling the wind in your face. Today, with me, you are going to run my way, not your way."

I started to stretch, she stopped me and held my hand and we ended up at the monkey bars and she started climbing. "Come on Les, you can do it! I dare you!" I was never one to turn down a dare and I climbed up after her. I tried to grab her leg and she pulled it away from me and laughed. She jumped and grabbed the middle bar and hung on with both hands and then took one hand off the bar pretended to scratch her side and made monkey noises at me and jumped down with me following.

She then took off away from me. I started running after her and she ran faster turned around and ran backwards laughing just as I almost caught her she turned around and ran as fast as she could with her arms flailing at her sides she ran with her face turned up feeling the rain start again . She had gotten ahead of me and ran into a field she came to a full stop and twirled around and around with her arms outstretched and her face filled with shear joy. I had never seen anything so beautiful. I started running after her again and she ran in between trees and bushes reaching up to grab a branch and letting go so I was getting soaking wet from the moisture. We were almost back to the car when she stopped short in front of a humungous puddle. I stood next to her, eyes sparkling, her face was glowing and her smile was as wide as I have ever seen it. She laughed out loud and proceeded to jump right in the puddle soaking the both of us. She backed away from me and then I did it. I jumped, landed on both feet and made the biggest splash. I grabbed her and pulled her to me and kissed the living daylights out of her.

We both came up for air and she smiled and asked me how I liked her way of running and what was my heart rate and respiration.

"Off the charts beautiful" and I kissed her again.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lester's note: The old saying was run for your life. My new saying is run with your wife.


	15. Chapter 15

Lester's Notes

Chapter 15

JE created and owns them, I like to borrow them but, hate to return them

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My sister Ginny called me and we talked for awhile about family and friends. We talked about her job teaching high school and some of the problems she was having. We talked about her car, apartment, the weather, the zoo (the zoo?), her boyfriend, and her electric bill.

"Okay Ginny we have covered just about everything you can think of. This is one of those kitchen sink phone calls. You throw everything in to the conversation including the kitchen sink now what's the real reason you called me?"

"Why are you always suspicious when I call you Les?"

"How old are you?"

"You know I'm twenty six years old and you sent me a gift certificate to a spa last month."

"Well, as your big brother standing 6'6" to my little sister at 5'4" tall I've studied you for years. When you make a kitchen sink call you always have an ulterior motive. I was just trying to find out what it is before you go through you shoe shopping explanation of what kind and what color and what size, like our conversation last month when you wanted me to take your cat for a week. By the way, don't ever ask me to do that again. That cat is a beast."

"You don't give me any credit Les I just called to find out how you are."

"Ginny, that's a crock! Why don't you just get to the real reason and save us both the time." laughed Lester.

"Well, if you insist."

"Oh God it's not the cat again is it?"

"No, Precious does not want to visit you any more either. What were you thinking when you took off her bow and put on a black leather with spikes collar?"

"Seemed to fit her personality …and what kind of bad ass has a cat with a pink bow!"

"Evidently, not you. Mom is just like you she thought the collar was funny."

"Get to the point Ginny why are you calling?"

"Well, I have a friend…"

"NO!"

"You don't even know what I am going to ask."

"You are going to say I have a friend and will you take her out."

"Would that be so bad?"

"Yes"

"Why"

"I remember the last friend - that nightmare stayed with me for months."

"Well this friend is different, she is gorgeous, funny, likes adventure …."

"What's wrong with her?"

"Nothing is wrong with her. She just had some bad relationships and I think she needs some fun."

"What kind of bad relationships? "

"I'm not at liberty to say."

"You are a good friend to her Ginny but, count me out I'm not meeting your friend."

"Lester"

"What"

"Would you like me to talk to Bobby and tell him how you got that scar over your right eye?"

"You wouldn't!"

"I most definitely would and if I remember correctly Bobby can be the biggest gossip at Rangeman, especially with a juicy piece of gossip."

"Maybe I should tell your boyfriend what a manipulative, blackmailing woman you really are. He may head for the hills."

"No, he already knows the story about the scar and he is in favor of you meeting my friend."

"What did you blackmail him with?"

"You are my big brother and you don't want to know."

"Don't tell me things like that, in my mind you are still an innocent…"

"Get over it Les. I haven't been innocent since…."

"Don't, I don't want to know! Okay, what time and where am I supposed to meet you and what's his name, and the mystery friend?"

"Saturday night at 7:30 at the new restaurant Zingers."

"Okay, but you owe me big time."

"I'm telling you Lester you are going to thank me one day and I will also be a bridesmaid in your wedding."

"Not a chance, I missed the boat 4 years ago."

"See you Saturday night."

The rest of the week went by slowly and as Saturday approached I looked upon it with dread. Ginny had set me up with friends before and she sucked at it. Her idea of the perfect woman for me was so far off base that it looked like we came from different planets. I always tried to treat them right and make them laugh but, it was a struggle not to yawn. I would make the first valid excuse I could. I would have Bobby call me on my cell with an "emergency" I would make my excuses, call a cab for my 'date', pay the bill and get the hell out of Dodge. I would meet Bobby at a prearranged club and the night of drinking would be on me. Not a bad deal when you consider the alternative.

Saturday night arrived and I had set up the phone call from Bobby for 9 o'clock. That gave us time for drinks and dinner and polite conversation before I bailed. I put on a suit and tie as instructed by my little sister, took a bag with my more casual clothes for after the call and took my own car to the restaurant. My car was a 1964 Mustang convertible it always made me feel better driving this classic beauty.

I walked in to the restaurant and looked around, my sister hadn't arrived yet the hostess asked for my name and I told her Santos. It seems my sister had called and left a message that they were going to be late and to wait at the table for her. I sat down and order a beer and proceeded to wait like my blackmailing sister instructed. I looked up and saw Beautiful walk in and talk to the hostess. She looked a little upset and then nodded at the hostess and followed her to my table.

"Lester, what are you doing here?"

"I'm waiting for my sister."

"Is her name Ginny by any chance?"

"Yes Beautiful and I think we have been set up."

Of course, my sister didn't show up and I know now that she never intended to. We ordered dinner and then desert and just talked and laughed. At nine o'clock my phone rang and so did Steph's. I answered mine and told Bobby to pay for his own drinks I wasn't coming. Steph had a similar conversation.

"Who called you Les?"

"Bobby"

"Who called you Steph?"

"Lula" she said laughing.

"Want to go dancing?"

"I'd love to"

In fact I'm getting ready to dance with Beautiful right now…

….and for their first dance as a married couple may I present Mr. and Mrs. Santos.

Lester's note:

If your sister ever calls to set you up for a blind date take a leap of faith who knows where you will end up.


	16. Chapter 16

Lester's Notes

Chapter 17

JE owns them

I wish I did

I don't

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Ranger was in the wind. We were all doing our jobs but the atmosphere in the Control Room and work area was definitely relaxed. Ella had brought up fresh baked sticky buns 2 days in a row. Hector had removed the video of the lunch area those days and replaced it with footage of The Spartan diet as directed by our fearless leader. No fat, No sugar No Taste and Fiber Fiber Fiber.

We were all sitting around talking about our childhood favorite lunches. Hal's was white bread, bologna, American cheese, crushed potato chips mustard and relish, Woody's was white bread, tuna salad with celery and real mayonnaise, Hector's was white bread, deviled ham, Swiss cheese and mustard. The rest of us loved White bread, peanut butter and jam, and this is where it gets tricky we were split between creamy or chunky peanut butter and whether we used strawberry jam or grape jelly.

Steph came in on this conversation and gagged at the mention of jam on peanut butter. We all knew what her favorite would be-sliced green olives. Now that all brought out our gag reflex and skin tinted green but none of us would tell her it sounded awful and for those brave ones who had tried it they assured us it was awful.

The next day in the lunch room appeared the most wonderful sight one could imagine. There was five loaves of white Wonder Bread, two big jars Of chunky peanut butter, one being Jif and the other was Peter Pan. There was 2 Big jars of smooth peanut butter, one being Jif and the other was Peter

Pan. There were 2 big jars of Strawberry Jam and 2 big jars of Grape Jelly and one 10 industrial size can of green olives.

There was a big 16" x 16" sign that announced the contest to choose the best peanut butter sandwich. There were ballots printed up with the choices and voting grid. To place one vote you must place $1.00 in the box and the proceeds would be donated to the soup kitchen. You could eat as many sandwiches as you wanted as long as you placed a $1.00 and voted for each sandwich you made and ate.

We all thought this was great. We could pig out on our favorite sandwich on the forbidden white bread. We would ignore Ranger's edict that ….

**The Whiter the Bread the Quicker You're Dead**

Voting and Eating Started at Noon and we could eat and vote all afternoon.

About 11:45 am Cal and I decided to set up the two different kinds of peanut butters and the two different kinds of jelly. We put out the loaves of bread, paper plates, napkins (hey we are not totally uncouth) and the knives.

Hal opened up the strawberry jam jars and the grape jelly jars.

I was going to open up the peanut butter jars but I ran into a small problem I couldn't get them open. This was ridiculous I'm a strong guy but, I couldn't get them to open. Hal was laughing his ass off till he couldn't budge them either. So we did the only thing we could we walked out onto the floor handed Cal a jar and challenged him to open the jar lid and if he did we would give him a free vote.

Cal huffed and he puffed and I swear his flaming skull tattoo turned red but he could not get the jar lid to loosen. Now it became a challenge for all on the floor and control booth. Not one of the guys could open the jar of peanut butter. Bobby ran down to his apartment and brought up a jar opener. It had a black handle and was kind of pie shaped and supposedly you slipped the jar down the pie shaped thingy till it was wedged in it then you held the jar and turned the handle on the pie shaped thingy. We all tried - we all failed.

Binkie went down to his apartment and brought up this rubber grippy square and Binkie said him Mom would just put the square over the lid and twist -

It didn't work either.

Brett went to his apartment and brought up this lever looking device that you slid over the lid and you ratcheted it closed and twisted it. Defeated again.

Tank went and got a pipe wrench and put it on the lid and screwed it tight then he held the jar and twisted the pipe wrench but nothing happened.

By this time the lid on the peanut butter jar was a little dented. But we persevered on.

Vince came up with the idea that we go to Louis's workshop and use the vise that was attached to his workbench. Failure, Failure and more Failure.

We took our jar back upstairs and sat around the lunch table looking at the peanut butter jars we could not open.

Do you know how ego deflating it is to have the strongest, most muscular men in all of Trenton and they are unable to open a jar. We sat around looking at them debating on the next step.

"Hi Guys, what are you doing?" asked Beautiful

Not wanting to embarrass ourselves we didn't tell her we just said we were sitting around shooting the bull.

She picked up the number ten can of olives and said "Why would you buy such a big can of olives that are totally disgusting."

Cal said we thought you liked olives on peanut butter"

"Well, I do but not ones that are stuffed with this disgusting orange stuff. Hey, isn't it time to start the contest?"

"Well, yes but…."

Beautiful picked up the jar of peanut butter and tried to take off the lid but she couldn't do it. Then she took the jar over to the sink and ran it under hot water and bent over and tapped the jar on the floor, stood up and walked to the table and easily opened the lid on the peanut butter."

We sat there and stared as she open all four peanut butter jars. Made herself a sandwich of peanut butter solo, put a dollar in the box and went to her cubicle. We were still staring as she walked out.

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Lester's note: Men are strong but women are stronger with less effort


	17. Chapter 17

Lester's Notes

Chapter 17

JE owns them I borrow them and then I give them back

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I loved working with Steph. We had a lot of fun; she was always happy and enjoyed life even though it hadn't been easy for her. We had been out the day before picking up her skips and had ended up at her apartment with Chinese take out. When we finished she started telling me about a game they played in college whenever they had take out. They would sit around in a circle and read their fortune cookies but at the end of the fortune they would add 'in bed'.

I couldn't see how that could be entertaining and I said so.

"Well, let's just try one and see what you think" she cracked the cookie in half and read the fortune out loud.

"You will try new things today…..in bed."

I laughed and said "Alrighty, I like that fortune what does mine say….

"You will take a wonderful journey…in bed. I like this game Beautiful and since both our fortunes predicted us ending in bed…."

"Lester, maybe I shouldn't have taught you that game - I have now given you a new line to add on to your already long list of come ons."

We said goodnight I kissed her forehead and left. Steph was scheduled to work at Rangeman in the morning and then we would head out to pick up skips.

In the morning Steph arrived at work and went right to her cubicle without her cheery hello to everyone. She just walked past everyone and didn't say a word. We all looked at each other - this was not like Beautiful. I stood up and walked over to cubicle and said "Is something wrong Beautiful? Are you okay?"

"I don't want to talk about it Les I need to deal with this myself."

"Is someone threatening you?"

"No, and like I told you I will deal with it myself without any help."

I walked back to my cubicle and shrugged my shoulders at all the guys who were sending me looks. Steph never keeps anything from me so I figured I would find out this afternoon. I didn't think this was a threat or a stalker I believed it was something personal and she was trying to deal with like she said.

At about 11:45 I walked up to Steph's cubicle and told her I was really hungry and would she like to go to Pino's for lunch before we went to pick up the skips. She said yes picked up her files and purse and we headed to the elevator.

"Do you want to talk about it Steph?"

"Let's just say someone from my past did something that I never expected and I lost my happy."

"You lost your happy?"

"Yes I lost my happy and I haven't figured out how to get it back. Lester, I appreciate every thing you do for me but, I have to do this for myself."

"Okay Beautiful but, if you need my help all you have to do is ask."

We went into Pino's and ordered meatball subs and a pitcher of Coke.

Steph may have lost her happy but she didn't lose her appetite. She could eat the amount of a truck driver, look the part of beauty queen and moan like a porn star. To eat lunch with her was a truly unique experience and I enjoyed every minute of it. When we were finished I paid the bill and we went to pick up our first skip.

Big John Link was wanted for grand theft auto and his bond was set for $100,000. That is a large amount for grand theft but he also threatened the people he took the car from. Big John Link stood 6'8" and weighted 325 pounds and he was totally bald. He looked and was menacing.

"Beautiful, I think we should call for back up."

"We don't need back up Lester I have a secret weapon."

"What is your secret weapon?"

"You'll see Lester" she laughed and it was a very good sound.

Steph directed me to Big John's house. When we pulled up the door opened and the doorway was filled with a monster of a man. Steph jumped out of my SUV and waved. The door opened and Big John came running toward the car and Steph went running toward him and I was raising my gun when Steph flew into his arms. He grabbed her and hugged and kissed her on her head.

"Stephie how long has it been?"

"Too long Johnny but I'm sorry I have to take you down to the police station to re book you. "

"Okay, I know I forgot my court date."

"Les meet my high school best buddy John."

"Nice to meet you Les. Hey, Steph how's your ex the Dick?"

"Johnny, you won't believe what he did. You know my Mustang convertible that he said was stolen well, he had it in storage all this time. I saw him driving down Maloy Street with the top down with Joyce Barnhart this morning."

"Really, say why don't we swing by your old house."

"Okay"

So we rode past her old house and there it was sitting in the driveway.

It was just beautiful and I saw for myself why she was mad. The Dick stepped out of the house and was walking toward the Mustang when Big John got out of the car and Steph followed him.

"Hey dickhead nice car" said Big John "I'll give you a dollar for it."

Dickie started to run back to the house when John went to stop him and Dickies hair flew off his head.

"Oh my God Dickie you got a rug!" screamed Steph

"Shhh…I don't want anyone to know" he said slamming the hair back on his head.

"Dickie putz" said Big John holding out a dollar bill "I really want that Mustang-sign over the title."

Dickie signed over the title, handed the keys to Steph and ran back into house with his hair on his head backwards

Big John got in the back seat of the SUV. Steph followed us to the cop shop.

Steph got out of the Mustang, hugged and kissed Big John and told him over and over thank you. We walked in got the body receipt said goodbye and left.

"I'll meet you back at Haywood Beautiful after I drop of the receipt at the bond office."

"Okay Lester" she smiled and waved and pulled away.

Lester's note:

I watched her pull away and there it was, the license plate read "MY HAPPY"


	18. Chapter 18

Lester's Notes

Chapter 18

JE owns them I borrow them and I say thank you and return them

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It's Friday night and we headed for the new dance club DeJazzed.

We will be positioned in the parking lot and we will be checking our weapons and communication mics getting ready for the main event. Brett is the bartender tonight, Tank is the bouncer. Bobby and Hal are the customers. Lester is the distraction, that's right; Lester is the distraction much to his disgust. Normally, Hector would be the distraction but, it seems our FTA prefers tall, good looking, green eyes and muscular guys and Lester fit's the criteria. Stephs job was to help him get ready so she took him shopping.

Their shopping trip took a little longer than we thought it would but Lester came back to the office in a better mood so no one said anything to him.

About 6:30 Lester had headed down to his apartment with Steph to grab some dinner and get ready for his big night on the town. As they left the 5th floor Lester put his arm around Steph's shoulders and said it was Time. She just looked up and laughed at him and he bent down and kissed her hair. She whispered something to him and even our sensitive mics could not pick it up. He pulled back and stared at her for a minute and grinned a lopsided grin that almost blinded the camera.

Three hours later Lester and Steph had exited Les's apartment. They were both laughing and I guess from a guy's perspective Les looked good. I only say this because Hector drew in his breath and muttered in Spanish 'Mother of God that man is absolutely the hottest thing on two feet if only he was on my team…."

The drive to DeJazzed was quiet with Steph telling Lester to do the things they had practiced (practiced?) Steph, I have to ask "How could you practice what Les needs to do when this is an entirely different scenario than what you do in your distractions."

"Bobby, men are men whether they want a woman or a man they want the same kind of comeons-trust me. If Les does what I taught him he will be out of the club with the FTA in less then 10 minutes."

"I doubt that Bomber, Hector usually takes at least 30 minutes and he is one of the 'team'."

"Then maybe I should give Hector some lessons."

Hector turned around and said "If Les is out in under ten minutes I will be at your door Angel tomorrow morning at 9 am."

"Make that Tuesday Hector; I am going out of town for a few days."

"It's a date Angel - Where are you going?"

"I don't know yet - I guess I will know when I get in the car." laughed Steph.

We got to the club and sat in the parking lot till Brett said into the mic that the perp was at the bar. Les got out of the SUV, braced his shoulders and started across the parking lot when we all heard Steph say "Lester" he stopped for a second and then she said "Work it Baby Work it!"

We could see Les's shoulders start to shake while he laughed and he definitely added a slight swing to his walk and the guys in the cars started laughing and hooting and blinked the car headlights.

Les must have practiced with Bomber. He entered the bar and paused just like she does glanced around the bar and headed to the bar taking a seat next to the perp. Brett approached and Les told him he wanted a Corona and waited till Brett served him. He took a drink from the bottle, gave a sigh and moved to the pool table. He took another drink, picked up a cue stick and chalked it and then he looked around the room. All eyes in the bar were on him - male and female. He looked over to the bar and gave our guy the famous Lester crooked smile; he then turned around and bent down to take his first shot. Our FTA was off the barstool in 30 seconds flat honing in on Les like a missile looking for its target. Les made the shot and moved around the table smiled again at our FTA and said something to him.

Les turned around and walked away from the pool table and exited the club with our guy right on his heels. Operation from start to capture less than 5 minutes. Les walked back to the SUV got in next to Steph whispered in her ear. She smiled and nodded.

The next morning Les left for his weekend off after he was teased about his success the previous night. He took it all with his known good nature and only said that was his first and last gay capture. He was taking his reward and enjoying his weekend off.

Wait a minute…taking his reward? What reward?

Tuesday morning came and Les was not back. I talked to Tank and he said that Les called in yesterday and asked for another day.

"Bobby give Les a break he is a regular guy who had to act gay and it wasn't easy for him. He needs to reaffirm that he still has with the ladies."

Wednesday morning Les pulled into the parking garage and got out of the SUV walked around it, opened the door and helped Stephanie out. He bent down and kissed her forehead and said something to her. She looked up at him and smiled and he took her left hand in his and walked to the elevator.

The fifth floor became silent as the elevator door opened and out walked Les and Steph still holding hands. Tank walked up to them shook Les's hand and hugged and kissed Steph.

Tank turned around and said….

Lester's Note:

Steph was my reward. Niagara Falls was beautiful this time of year. Oh yeah we got married this weekend.


	19. Chapter 19

Lester's Notes

Chapter 19

JE owns and generously shares them with her fans

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I have to get a copy of the video of the guy's faces when Steph and I arrived.

Speechless, shocked, stunned yep that pretty well covered it when Tank turned around and said "I would like you to meet Stephanie Santos."

Pandemonium broke out and I stood there grinning while Steph was passed around and hugged and kissed. I watched the kissing part just to make sure no one overstepped themselves like I always did with Beautiful.

I had called Tank yesterday and we told him and he told us to take another day. He promised not to say a word to anyone except Ella because he knew she would want to plan a surprise for Steph. I didn't worry about how Ranger would react because he made it clear before he left for his last mission that although he cared and loved her it held no future for her he just didn't do relationships. I heard that and decided I wasn't going to let this opportunity slip past me I had loved her since I first saw her. So I started my subtle campaign to win her heart and I had and for my friends and coworkers they never suspected a thing. That is exactly how we both wanted it.

Ella brought in a wedding feast into the conference room and a beautiful wedding cake. We cut the cake and behaved ourselves. Not going to say what happened with the cake when we took it back to our apartment on 4 I learned to like icing too. I really liked icing Steph's way.

We settled in and it was wonderful except that Steph seemed to feel that she should be able to cook. I didn't think she needed to, we had Ella and I liked to cook plus take out and going out was just fine with me. Steph started buying and studying cookbooks, cooking magazines and watching the food channel with pad and pen in hand. I distracted her while she watched the food channel and she never completed writing down the recipes but she never complained after I distracted her, she kind of smiled in contentment along with me. Hey, we are newlyweds!

She did her best and I tried to eat her best. I am good at investing money and I bought stock in Farberware and in Emeril's cookware. I opened an account at Bed Bath and Beyond and Williamsonoma so Steph could replenish the pots and pans she destroyed.

Ella found a cookbook for beginners that did tell you how to boil water.

We had to replace two teakettles since they had boiled dry. I know I distracted Steph one time and that's how the whistling kettle took its last toot. I can't really say what happened the second time except I heard Steph mumbling something about how you shouldn't add teabags to the kettle itself that you pour it over teabags or something like that. I didn't question her I just drove with her over to Bed Bath and Beyond and bought an electric kettle with an Automatic shut off to prevent the kettle running dry and the fire and smoke that it causes when it does. I picked up a couple more smoke detectors and fire extinguishers at the Home Depot.

Do you know how flammable potholders are? I didn't. Louis is coming tomorrow to fix the ceiling and behind the stove. We are going to Target tomorrow so maybe they will have those silicone potholders I don't think they will burn and I know they will protect Beautiful's hands. Bobby is ordering in some special burn ointment for Steph.

I have to give her credit she keeps trying to learn to cook. Bobby bought her an electric bread maker. All she had to do was measure the ingredients and press one button. Sounds easy doesn't it? It works like a charm if you measure the ingredients exactly. She evidently did not measure the yeast right and we came home to an over the top of the bread maker down the sides and onto the counter of yeast dough. She cried and I comforted her then I made the mistake of laughing. I kept thinking of the I Love Lucy episode when she made bread and opened the door of the oven and the loaf of bread kept coming out of the oven and pinned her against the wall.

I really had to grovel to get her to forgive me. The next day I told her why I was laughing and she had to laugh also. She said she was Lucy and Lula was Ethel. Tank told me Lula is worse in the kitchen than Steph and I should buy stock in Cluck in the Bucket.

She did find one thing she could make and if she sat at the stove on a chair and stared through the oven window she would not burn it. She discovered Pillsbury in the roll cookie dough. She opened the roll of dough and spread it out in a pizza pan and baked it at 350 degrees for 10 minutes not one second sooner or later. She then had a cookie gram and she bought tubes of icing and wrote messages on the cookie. The guys loved them, she was proud and I was happy. Well, since I married Steph I was always happy.

We went to the grocery store to pick up more rolls of cookie dough, some for the fridge and she found out by accident you can freeze them. Okay, I'll take the responsibility that when we came home from the grocery store I was in such a hurry to get her clothes off I shoved everything in the freezer, well cookie dough does freeze well, eggs and milk - not so much.

When I was a kid one of my favorite meals on a rainy Saturday was Franks and Beans and macaroni and cheese. We bought the franks and a big can of Campbells baked beans and Easy Mac - which you can cook in the microwave for 90 seconds. Tank and I were talking and he told me that Lula was downstairs and she and Steph were fixing our lunch. We both laughed and said take out or eat out when there was a loud explosion in the building.

"Report" yelled Tank.

"Santos it's in your apartment but there is no fire this time!"

We ran down the steps and kicked open the door and there she and Lula were.

"It's Not my fault! It's Lula's fault!"

"No it's not!"

The ceiling, walls, floor and the girls were covered from head to toe with Campbell's Baked Beans. Tank started to laugh - I knew better I've been married a month.

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Lester's note:

If you are going to cook a can of Campbell's baked beans on the top of the stove to save on dirtying a pot, take a can opener and take off the top of the can. Unopened cans of baked beans explode with build up of pressure.

Lula hasn't talked to Tank for 2 days. I, on the other hand, got lots of loving for being such an understanding husband.

a/n Those who review just might get a clue


	20. Chapter 20

Lester's Notes

Chapter 20

JE is a kind and wonderful author who allows us to share her characters

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My assignment today is Grandma Duty - my partner of the day is Cal

Checklist:

The List - the allowed and forbidden activities in great detail

Tiny's Tattoo Palace has been added to the forbidden list.

Padded handcuffs have been issued by Steph in case of emergency involving Grandma (Beautiful is my wife and I refuse to give out any

Information on the padded handcuffs)

Childproof locks have been activated in Rangeman vehicle for Grandma

A wire framed prisoner barricade has been added at Al's body work

Between the passenger seat and Driver's seat. A specialized mesh has been installed to prevent aging fingers from penetrating said screen.

Specialized dark sunglasses have been purchased

Emergency aspirin has been added to my weapons belt. Not if Grandma shows signs of heart attack but if I feel a heart attack coming on from taking care of Grandma or in case of a severe headache which is guaranteed taking care of Grandma.

I have on my lightweight Kevlar vest and my request for Kevlar protective Boxers has been again denied by Ranger. I am therefore wearing the uncomfortable but effective hard plastic cup.

I have had Ella sew padding in the seat of my cargoes for protective coverage from aging, arthritic but very pointed pinching fingers used by Grandma.

I have contacted Rangeman's lawyer and updated my Last Will and Testament.

I have talked to Human Resources and made sure all insurance and disability is up to date.

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Cal watched me while I checked all my equipment. He just shook his head and mumbled you do all this crap for one little old lady. You are a wuss Lester.

"Oh Yeah Cal. You'll see and experience the greatest, most terrifying job of your career including most of our missions."

He laughed at me….he won't be laughing for long.

I pulled up in front of the Plum residence and out she came….today her hair was bright blue with silver extensions, she was wearing a coconut shell bikini top, orange hot pants and white disco boots with tassels, she was carrying a yellow gauze shawl that did nothing to cover anything. She did the hula over to the SUV gyrating wildly and shaking her top so that the coconut shells were moving in independent directions.

I told Cal "Get out and help the lady into the back seat."

"Can I borrow your sunglasses Les?"

"Nope and you can not borrow my barf bag either - you are on your own."

Cal got out and opened the door for Grandma and next thing I knew he screamed and bent over. I smirked. He slowly got in the SUV and Grandma said. "You have a lot of stuff hidden under those cargos big boy - I am impressed- I'm looking forward to you coming out from undercover."

Cal opened up his door and barfed. I smiled.

"How are you today Grandma?"

"I'm fine Lester. What about you - are you keeping my baby granddaughter happy?"

"Yes Grandma"

"Want to give me any description of how you are keeping my granddaughter happy?"

"No Grandma"

"Anyone ever tell you Lester that you are no fun?"

"No Grandma, I find humor wherever I can and I love to share my humor." I said looking at Cal who was Leaning back against the seat as green as can be with his eyes closed. His tattoo seemed a little green also. I smiled.

I took out my approved and disapproved list. I had decided if what Grandma wanted to do wasn't on either list I would call Mrs. Plum or Steph to check in and get final approval. I wasn't going to go on any unscheduled trips to third world countries now that I was a very happily married man.

I turned around "Where do you want to go Grandma?"

"First, I want to go to Stivias to a viewing for whoever is laid out. Today is homemade Macaroon cookie day. There won't be any left tonight."

"You don't know who is laid out?" asked Cal.

"NO, didn't you hear me …today is homemade Macaroon cookie day Skull Boy."

I drove us over to Stivia's and I got out of the SUV and opened Grandma's door and I took her elbow and very carefully escorted her up the steps and into the funeral parlor. She walked around and looked at the names of the dearly departed and chose one to go in and visit. Fortunately, it was an open casket so I could relax a little bit. We approached the casket and Grandma gave me a full description of how they made Mr. Peterson look much better in death than in life - now I was turning green. I smiled and escorted her over to the family and she made her heartfelt sympathy. We left the room and walked over to Cal who was sitting on the couch by the cookies in to much pain to walk around-and who in my mind I will always refer to as skull boy.

She wanted to sit down on the sofa by the coffee table with the platters of the desired homemade macaroons. She started to choke and I sent Cal for a glass of water. I thought in a panic Please don't choke to death here Grandma your daughter and granddaughter will never forgive me but Mr Plum may reward me beyond my wildest dreams. Cal appeared with a glass of water and I ran over to grab it and when I got back I handed her the glass and I notice something different about her but I couldn't put my finger on it.

I asked her if she was okay and she nodded and indicated she wanted to go home. On the way out I tried to put my arm under her elbow but she wouldn't let me. She was holding her purse with both hands. Cal escorted her to the his side of the SUV opened the door and screamed again.

Grandma smiled and got in the backseat without saying a word. She said she wanted to go home. I called Mrs. Plum and said I didn't think Grandma was feeling well and I was bringing her home. She asked me if she looked funny and I said yes but I didn't mean that disrespectfully. Mrs. Plum just laughed.

We arrived at the Plums and Steph and Mrs. Plum ran out to the car and escorted Grandma in to the house. I went back to the SUV and asked Cal if he wanted to come in. He looked at me with pain all over his face and said he didn't think he could take a step right now. He asked me for a list of what I usually wore on Grandma duty so if he ever had this assignment from Hell he would be better prepared next time. He also extended his sincere sympathy to me for now being related to the Burg's oldest sexual pervert. He just leaned back again and closed his eyes.

I walked into the house to hear Steph, Mrs. Plum and Grandma talking.

Steph said in absolute wonderment "You must have gotten all three platters"

"I did baby granddaughter - I don't think anyone got to them before me"

"I wonder why?" said Mrs. Plum

"Well, I grabbed Skull boy's junk a little bit to hard and he could barely walk so Les and I left him on the sofa by the cookies and everyone was afraid of him so they didn't go near the cookies. I started to cough to stop laughing and your wonderful husband refused to leave my side and he sent Cal to get water. I think Cal started to look faint and dear Lester ran over to get me the water. While he was gone I opened my purse and shoveled all the cookies into the bag I had lined my purse with.

I walked into the kitchen and all the women stopped talking. Beautiful just handed me a macaroon and smiled.

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Lester's note:

Thursday is Homemade Macaroon day at Stivias. Be sure to plan with Grandma her diversion tactics beforehand. A successful mission results in 3 full platters of Homemade Macaroon cookies.


	21. Chapter 21

Lester's Notes

Chapter 21

JE owns them and makes all the money,

We borrow them, play with them and return most of them.**HEY OUT THERE** - **WHO DID NOT RETURN LESTER…I NEED HIM FOR THIS STORY….**He is gone. My Lester was not returned in a timely fashion. I called JE and she does not know where he is and she hasn't received a ransom note.

I have checked with a few of you who love him like I do and none of you have seen him either.

I checked with Ranger and he didn't send him to any third world country this time, when he had Grandma duty. He called Cal into the office and he said he hadn't seen him since yesterday when he brought him back to Haywood. Ranger watched Cal try to walk and called him back. He said he changed his mind and was going to order the Kevlar boxers that Lester kept requesting. He hoped Lester would show up and be able to wear them.

Steph has locked herself in their apartment and you can hear her sobbing all the way out in the hallway. Tank called Lula to come sit with Steph while they waited. When Lula knocked on the door, Steph opened the door and pulled Lula in. The next thing we heard was Lula sobbing in sync with Steph. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea having Lula come over….

The control room pulled up Lester's trackers - nothing, nada, zip…..

It was like he had never existed.

Tank, Hal, Woody and Manny couldn't stand waiting around and they went looking for Lester. Some how, I don't think checking out all the strip joints and cage bars and casinos qualifies as serious looking since Lester turned in his player card since marrying Steph.

Hector checked out all the gay bars and Levi and Leather bars. When Hector was asked about this he said that Lester did do that distraction last week and was irresistible to the bar patrons and he thought it might be a good idea to do in depth interviews. Rangeman has a Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy concerning Hector and no one wanted to ask Hector anything concerning his in depth interviews.

Cal called the Bonds office and Connie said she hadn't seen Lester and she buzzed Vinnie. Vinnie said he would personally go down to the duck pond and see if he was there. This might be a good time to invoke the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy for Vinnie and the ducks.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

It has been six hours and not a word…where could he be?

We can't file a missing character report till he is gone 12 hours.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Binkie and Brett found Lester's little black book only make that 12 little black books. They have set about to call every name in his books. They are making dates with every one of the names that has the rating AAA+++ next to their names. If that doesn't turn up anything they will go down a Level to the AAA++ group. Brett was seen grinning and saying "It's a hard job but somebody has to do it."

Lester's sister Ginny showed up to stay with Steph. She assured us she was here to support Steph in anyway she could but she also said if this was a bonehead move on her brother's part - He is dead meat.

I contacted JE again. Lester still has not been returned to her but she did have a blinking light on her answering machine and then the phone was hung up.

We got our first breakthrough …..

There was a faint voice saying "please help m…"

"Can you trace that call?" barked Ranger

"We are narrowing it down…."

"Call everybody back to Haywood"

Ram reported "Steph and Lula have just left the building. Steph was driving so fast she crashed through the security gate."

"Pull up her trackers!"

"Can't she's using Big Blue"

"Dammit, where are you going Babe?"

Ginny ran into the control room screaming "They have kidnapped him!"

"Who has kidnapped him?"

"I don't know. His voice was weak and he wanted Steph to come get him"

Two hours later….

Lula pulled Big Blue into the Haywood garage. Bobby was waiting with Tank who had ended his search of strip joints when he received a call from a very unhappy Lula. They helped Lester out of the car and up to Steph and Lester's apartment. Steph looked shell shocked and relieved at the same time. She held Lester's hand and a single tear rolled down her cheek.

When Tank and Bobby exited the apartment they were mumbling and looked a little green around the gills. When asked what had happened to Lester they shuddered and said it was up to Lester to tell them if he ever recovered from his ordeal…

xxxxxxx

A spokesman for the Santos family issued this statement

Mr. Santos was rescued this afternoon by his wife and her best friend Lula.

No further information will be released at this time.

Xxxxxxx

Lester's note:

If I ever receive an invitation to speak to a group of fans of Lester's notes

I will only meet them in a very public place with armed bodyguards. I will probably never recover mentally from the things they suggested that they wanted to do to me.

I am going to take a vacation with Stephanie to try to recover from this ordeal. Thank you.


	22. Chapter 22

Lester's Notes

Chapter 23

JE owns, shares and profits from her characters. I borrow them.

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"Lester, this is a really simple thing. Please do not get carried away and make this a big project. I'd do it myself but I have to take Grandma to the doctor. Repeat after me Les, this is a simple project."

"Beautiful, I know it is a simple project you asked me to do for you. Why do you think I will make this into something that is complex?"

"Because, I know you and when it comes to stuff like this you get that gleam in your eye and you start planning…."

"Relax Beautiful, I have everything under control."

"That is what worries me Les. You know what; forget I asked you to do this. It isn't that important."

"Stephanie, don't you trust me - you're absolutely devoted, loving husband with this simple task that you have given me?"

"Les, my absolutely devoted, loving husband do I trust you with this task that I should never have mentioned - NO!"

"I'm deeply wounded Beautiful."

"You will be deeply wounded if I come home and you have made this into a bigger project than it needs to be. Now remember Grandma's appointment is at 11 am and then when she is done I am taking her to lunch, then I have to take her to the Cut and Curl and then to Stivias for the afternoon viewing. I should be home by 4 o'clock."

With no warning at all Lester picked her up and carried her into the bedroom and threw her on the bed and started kissing her like a drowning man.

"Lester let me up its only 5 hours till I get home" laughed Steph.

"Can't your Mom take Grandma? I need you right now."

"I need you too but, we don't have time besides it's only been 1 hour since you last 'needed' me. I know I am going to regret this but, go ahead and do what I asked you to do. I will be home as soon as I can."

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This is the first project Beautiful has ever asked me to do in our home. The problem is I have no tools.

"Hey Bobby do you want to go to Home Depot with me I need to buy some tools for a project. I'll meet you in the garage in 5 minutes."

"I love it here Bobby, Louis is right this is the man's toy store."

"Les, why didn't you borrow the tools from Louis?"

"I am a married man I need my own tools."

"Well, what do you need?"

"I know I need a hammer, tape measure, saw, screw drivers, pliers, vice grips, nails, screws, level, laser level, plumb line…."

"You realize you are not allowed to do major renovations don't you Les" Bobby said laughing.

"Yeah I know, oh I need a tool box too."

Three hundred and Twenty Five Dollars later I was on my way home. We decided to stop for lunch at Pino's and guess who was there. Steph and Grandma. "Bobby, take off your jacket and put it over the Home Depot bags."

"Why?"

"Because, I promised I would not make a big deal out of what Steph asked me to do."

"Lester, by the look on your face I am not even going to ask."

"Hey Beautiful, Hey Grandma how did your appointment go?

"Fine just fine quacks all of them are quacks." mumbled Grandma.

"Just let it go handsome, have you finished the project?"

"Nope, haven't even started." I sat down next to her and put my arm around her shoulders. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too but it's only been two hours. What are you up to Lester Santos?"

"Nothing"

"Bobby, what is he up to?"

"Honestly. Steph I have no idea. I don't even know what you asked him to do." laughed Bobby.

"Well, if I know handsome you will need your first aid kit before he is done."

When Lester and Bobby got back to the apartment Lester showed Bobby what Steph wanted him to do.

"You spent $325.00 on tools to do this." laughed Bobby

"A man needs the right tools smartass!"

Then Lester went about measuring and marking the wall. He used the laser level and then also used the plumb line. He and Bobby sat down and opened a couple of bottles of beer and looked at the wall.

"It still doesn't look right."

"Lester, when Steph sees the marks you have put on this wall you aren't going to walk right."

When Steph got home she looked at Lester and Bobby sitting with beers in their hands staring at the wall. She looked at the wall and just cringed.

"Lester, what have you done?"

"I tried to hang the picture you asked me to but we couldn't find the right spot. So we kept trying."

"Lester you have about 25 holes in this wall and what are all these purple lines?" With the possibility of an argument Bobby took his beer and left.

"They make sure the picture will be level."

"Lester, come stand with me."

Steph picked up the hammer and picture hanger and nail, walked over to the wall, had Lester stand next to her she then put the nail in the picture hanger took the hammer and with a few quick taps put the hanger on the wall, picked up the picture and placed it on the hanger. She then took Lester's hand and kissed the three fingers that had bandaids on them, handed him a Mr. Clean sponge and pointed to the wall.

"Beautiful, why did you put it there, why didn't you measure, why didn't you run the level…."

"Lester, all I had to do is just look at your height and my height. The ideal place to put a picture is mid eye level. We have 10" difference in our height so I placed it above my eyes by about 5" - it's a compromise. You know all about compromises …you like the top - I like the top we compromise right?

"Lester, what are you doing…put me down…."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lester's note:

I love compromising with Beautiful.

Steph's note:

I love letting Lester compromise. I'm a verrrry happy woman.


	23. Chapter 23

Lester's Notes

Chapter 23

JE owns them I borrow them and sometimes have a hard time returning them.

Xxxxxxx

After Beautiful left for the Bonds office I was sitting having another cup of coffee thinking how lucky I was. I had this feeling I was being watched.

I know I am aware of my surroundings and have been for years but this was different.

I got up and looked around and there was nothing out of the ordinary so, I sat back down at the table and resumed my thoughts about Beautiful and there it was again. I looked around and there he was -Rex. He was sitting up looking out at me. I mean straight at me. I got up went to the refrigerator and cut up some grapes and apple and put it in his dish in his house. He sniffed it and sat up and looked at me again.

Now I know that Steph has conversations with him and swears he answers her. She should know, she tells me he was the one constant man in her life till I entered it. She could count on him being there now she counts on both of us. So I took the plunge…

"How you doing Rex? I guess this conversation is long overdue. I know you have been with Beautiful for a long time and you love her. I do too, so now it is up to both of us to make her happy."

I know I should have felt weird talking to Rex but strangely I didn't.

He started twitching his nose really fast and blinked a couple of times.

"So that's okay with you - good. Is there anything I can do for you buddy? Oh, I see now that Steph has me you are lonely. I can understand that we have been a little ummm busy lately. Hey, don't look at me like that you've seen her. Yeah, well I guess you don't see her in the same light as I do. Good thing. So, you are lonely we can fix that."

I put Rex in his Rolling Ball I had bought him last week (it gets really boring running on a treadmill so I bought the ball so he could get a change of scenery) I put him in my backpack to keep the little guy warm.

I was leaving the apartment when I ran into Hal and Bobby.

"Where are you going Les?"

"Well, Rex and I are going to the Hamster and Ferret Super Store."

"Hey, can we go?"

"Sure"

"What are you looking for?"

"Don't exactly, know but when we do we will let you know."

This is some store. I put Rex in his ball in the baby seat in the cart so he could look around. I headed for the Habitrail display. Hal and I examined all the houses and decided on two 5 story hamster condominiums that could be linked together. "How do you like these new digs little guy?" He twitched his nose I took that as a yes.

We were walking up and down the aisles when Hal stopped and looked at a display. "What about this?"

Bobby started laughing "Hal, how long has it been since you were on a date?"

"Not that long…Why"

"Was she a real date or an imaginary date?" I asked him laughing.

"She was real what is your point?"

"Look at the display again - it's those interactive hamsters that run on batteries. Do you think Rex is interested in a make believe girlfriend Hal."

"God no, I'm sorry Rex" Rex turned his back toward Hal and looked at me.

"Don't worry Rex …Bobby and I have your back!"

"Hey look at this Rex they have samples of gourmet Hamster treats. Have a taste."

"Whoa - he's tearing up those dried fruit bits." said Bobby throwing in a couple of boxes into the cart.

"Do you think we should get a couple of boxes for Ranger?" I asked laughing.

And then we hit the jackpot….the end of the rainbow….heaven in hamster land….we hit the girl hamster display!

Rex stood up on his hind legs and I swear he twirled his mustache and grinned.

Bobby said to me looking at Rex "We must be in the right place."

"How do we pick a girl hamster for him?" asked Hal.

"We don't -we let him pick his own girl. Rex, you can only have one of them and make sure you bring home a girl that Steph will approve of for you."

We held his ball and showed him all the girl hamsters. They showed a lot of interest in him standing up, running in circles, one hussy laid on her back -Rex looked at her and I said "No, that isn't the type of girl hamster you take home to Mom."

And then….we hit the jack pot, love at first sight…he stood on his hind legs and put his little feet on the ball ….she walked over to the edge of her display and repeated his actions and then they just stared at each other.

Bobby and Hal high-fived each other - they approved. She was a pretty little thing.

We purchased Rex's girlfriend, two condos, 6 boxes of dried fruit treats(3 for Ranger), eight bottles of Hamster protein water (Bobby said Rex needed to keep up his strength) We took our purchases home and built the Condos. We put the little girl in first and then we added Rex Romeo. They spent about 5 minutes getting to know each other and then…whoa..little buddy you better pace yourself.

A couple of hours later Steph came home and looked at Bobby, Hal and I and said …

"What are you three up to?"

We parted and she looked at the 2 hamster condos she took a look at the little girl hamster and then she saw Rex - If he could have had a cigarette he would have had one. He was just sitting and staring and smiling.

"LESTER! What have you done to my innocent Rex - who is that hussy!"

You have corrupted my baby!"

xxxxxxxxxx

Lester's note:

I may have corrupted Rex but he is one happy hamster…and a Daddy twelve times over."


	24. Chapter 24

Lester's Notes

Chapter 24

JE owns and shares these wonderful characters with us

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Steph's dad is the coolest guy and he likes me. Which is a good thing because Steph's Mom doesn't. She is polite and well mannered but she doesn't like me. She refers to me, behind my back, as Stephanie's mistake. I guess she doesn't realize that I have super-sensitive hearing or she doesn't care.

Frank and I sneak out to the garage at every opportunity to smoke cigars and drink whatever is available. I brought over, while he was driving his cab, a small refrigerator and plugged it in and filled it with his favorite beverages. He called that night and asked when I was going to be over again. I said we were going to be over the next night. He just said see you then. That was the first time he ever called me and I knew in man speak it was thank you. Guys don't need to gush thank you.

We were out in the garage the next night discussing the tools I had purchased for my project. He understood the need for every one of the tools and just shook his head at the unprofessional way Steph hung the picture without even using a level. He gave me advice on how to patch the excess holes I had made. Even though we were hungry we reluctantly left Frank's little slice of sane and went into the circus excuse for a house for dinner.

It wasn't easy to watch Steph's Mom and sister double team my Beautiful on her lack of housewifely skills. I had, had enough and very quietly said "She may not have all your housewifely skills but she sure has a very happy husband." and I kissed her breathless. I smiled at her, grabbed her hand and we left. Frank grinned, Grandma hooted, Klaughn said 'I wish I was him' and Val and Steph's Mom looked like goldfish gulping for air. Me? I was going to get lucky and happy tonight.

The more dinners we were forced into going to the more Frank and I retreated to the garage. The weather was getting cold so one day I went to Home Depot and bought a 10,000 BTU electric fireplace. Good relaxing atmosphere and kept the place warm. Frank called me that night and wanted to know if I needed another hammer. Frank's way of saying Thanks.

Over the next month Frank and I put in insulation and paneling and two replacement windows. I really enjoyed learning from Frank how to use the tools. I stopped one Saturday with Steph and we just parked in the alley and went into the garage. Steph looked around, wrapped her arms around me and said thank you. Her dad came in with a Pizza and we ate standing up.

Monday, Bobby and I moved in two leather recliners, a small table and 4 chairs. While we were there Steph pulled up, looked at us and laughed and asked for help. She had bought a rug. We all looked at each other and said he needs a bathroom out here. Two weeks later Frank came home and called me and asked me if Bobby, Steph and I wanted to go with him to a Ranger's game he just happened to have tickets.

I noticed he didn't have room for his lawnmower and other yard equipment So I had a large shed delivered. While I was at Home Depot I told Steph I didn't want Frank shoveling snow and since I usually worked when it snowed I wouldn't be able to help him. So we bought him a snow blower to use.

Hal brought over a microwave so Frank could make popcorn and heat up stuff. He noticed the electricity. He and Cal went by during the week and upgraded the electricity and put in its own circuit breaker box.

One rainy Sunday, Frank and I, with Beautiful on my lap, were sitting in the recliners talking about the fact the garage didn't need a garage door anymore. The next weekend we took out the garage door and installed a nice door and Bay window. The Bay window was Steph's idea. It had been special ordered and never picked up so she bought it for $200.00 she also bought shutters for the outside windows and plantation shutters for inside.

Frank bought us a set of Ryobi tools.

Frank asked the guys if they could help on the weekend, he bought a flat screen TV and the guys came with a home theater surround sound system.

Frank, Cal, Bobby, Steph and I walked into the garage one afternoon and there was Grandma and her cronies showing porn on Frank's flat screen. I thought Bobby was going to have to get the defibulater out of his truck to resuscitate Frank. Steph chased them out. Cal went back to Rangeman and the four of us put in a security system with a retina scan on the 'garage' that night. Grandma would not be intruding on the garage again. Rangeman had a 24 hour surveillance system in place.

Now, one would think Steph's mother would say something but, she didn't. I don't even think she noticed that Frank wasn't around.

Weekly dinners were as bad if not worse. Now, Helen wanted to know what was wrong with Stephanie's mistake since she wasn't pregnant. There wasn't anything wrong with either of us. To reassure Steph I pulled her on my lap at the dining room table wrapped my arms around her she wrapped her arms around my neck and then we made out at the table. Frank smiled and patted my back, Grandma said she was jealous and went to her room (nobody wanted to know why) Val started crying and the Kloughn said he was sorry and Steph's Mom returned to the table with her bottle from the pantry. Angie said to Mary Alice "I think this is how it is supposed to be when you are in love." Steph broke the kiss and looked over at Angie and Mary Alice and said "If you are lucky this is exactly how love should be."

xxxxxxxxxxx

Lester's Note:

I love my beautiful wife and I Thank God she takes after her father.


	25. Chapter 25

Lester's Notes

Chapter 25

JE Owns them I covet them

Xxxxxxxxx

"Lester today is the day we are going shopping. You have put if off long enough."

"I have things I have to do Beautiful."

"Lester, I cleared your schedule with Ranger, Tank, Bobby, Cal, and Hal . You have no more excuses we are going shopping."

"Would you believe I have a stomach ache?"

"No"

"…a headache?"

"No"

"I don't know why we have to go shopping. I'm happy with it."

"I'm sure you are - but I am not."

"Don't you love me any more Beautiful?"

"Oh Lester please…of course I love you but I don't love sleeping in a twin bed each night."

"It's cozy"

"It is for you because you no matter what I do by the morning you are curled around me and I can't move."

"I know" said Lester grinning at his wife, wiggling his eyebrows and reaching out for her.

xxxxxxxx

"Okay Les, you distracted me for an hour but, we are still going bed shopping."

"Didn't you feel comfortable Beautiful?"

"Les, I am always 'comfortable' with you just not in a twin bed for the night."

Steph answered her phone "Yo"

"Yes…..that might work…..okay…. You can bring them….."

Steph walked over to the door, opened it up and in walked Tank, Bobby, Hal and Cal.

All of a sudden they lunged for Les, grabbed him, handcuffed him and carried him out to the SUV. They all got in and drove…to the Super Bed Store. Rangeman did the security for the store and the manager came out and greeted them all by name. He looked at Lester, laughed and said,

"Twin Bed time is over Les?"

Steph walked around looking at the Queen size beds. She sat on one and it felt okay so the guys carried Lester over and threw him on it and Steph laid down next to him.

"No it doesn't feel right does it Lester?"

"I wouldn't know I'm handcuffed."

"Do you promise to stay in the store and help find a bed?"

"Yes, I promise to stay in the store."

"You didn't say that you would help find a bed."

"Maybe we won't find one that is comfortable."

"Leave the cuffs on him guys."

And so it went….till finally Lester agreed to all of Steph's terms and they started over.

"Why aren't we looking at full size beds?"

"Because you are 6'6" tall and weigh 235"

"Oh"

The next thing Steph knew she was in Lester's arms and he jumped into the bed with her and rolled on top.

"What are you doing Lester!"

"Trying to find the right bed Beautiful!" and he proceeded to toss her onto at least ten beds. Tank, Bobby, Cal were laughing their asses off. Hal was so red Bobby thought he better check his blood pressure before he stroked out.

Steph and Lester were drawing quite a crowd especially after Lester threw her on the bed in the store window. Lester was nuzzling her neck and Steph was laughing when she looked up and saw Eddie and Big Dog grinning at her from outside.

"Lester, we are drawing quite a crowd. Eddie and Big Dog are here."

Lester looked over his shoulder and waved at them.

"Lester you are incorrigible and an exhibitionist."

"I love my wife!"

"I love my husband but, you have to tone it down a little before…"

"I'm arresting you for indecent exposure cupcake and thug."

"We are fully clothed Detective Morelli and we are in a bedding store trying to buy a new bed. Det. Morelli I would like you to meet Mr. Jackson the store manager." Said Steph lying under Lester whose shoulders were giving away the fact he was laughing his ass off at having Joe watch.

Tank, Bobby, Cal and Hal were laughing so hard they collapsed on the next bed.

Joe started yelling and flapping his arms and Hal said, "Detective would you like to get your blood pressure taken? Bobby will check out your pressure." This comment made Joe madder and everyone in the store laughed harder.

Big Dog and Eddie came in and said fire engines were being sent to the Plum residence. Mrs. Plum evidentially had received numerous phone calls and plugged in two irons and the electric meter exploded and blew off the house and set the neighbor's shed on fire.

They were sorry they had to leave but they had to go to the Plums because Grandma was propositioning all the responding firefighters.

Steph managed to get Lester to stop laughing long enough to crawl out from under him.

"Joe go home!"

"But, Cupcake…"

The crowded yelled at Joe "Don't call her that!"

Lester threw Steph over his shoulder and ran to the King sized beds, threw her on one of them and jumped next to her and rolled her on top of him. Joe passed out and everyone left him where he fell.

"This one is to big Beautiful, I'll lose you during the night!"

"You will never lose me Les"

"I like the first queen sized bed we tried in the store window lets buy that one."

Mr. Jackson rang up the sale gave them a 20% discount because of all of the beds that were being sold and offered them a job on the weekends trying out beds - they declined. He could arrange delivery for the next week. The guys carried the mattress and box spring out and tied it on the roof of the SUV.

On the way home they went past the Plums, the fire trucks that were still there honked their horns and waved. Mrs. Plum looked up as the SUV passed with the bed stapped on top and everyone in the SUV waved at Mrs. Plum - she fainted into Albert Kloughn's arms and he dropped her.

xxxxxxx

Lester's Note:

Every time I go with Beautiful shopping it attracts a crowd. I just can't figure out why.


	26. Chapter 26

Lester's Notes

Chapter 26

JE owns and shares them, I borrow and return them

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Lester, we need to go shopping."

"Beautiful, we already went shopping and bought a bed."

"We did and I am so proud of you for stepping up and working with me to find a bed."

"Well, once I got into the spirit of things; of finding the right bed and of tormenting Joe Morelli, it just seemed like fun."

"You know that they had to call an ambulance for Joe. It seems he hit his head on the way down - do you know anything about that?"

"How could I know anything Beautiful? You were straddling me and I was concentrating on not taking things to the next level with you."

"Is that what you call it the next level?"

"Beautiful, let's go try out the new bed and I can personally show you how many levels it takes to make you….."

"Lester, concentrate! We are going shopping."

"What are we shopping for?"

"Cribs!"

xxxxxxxxx

"Bobby, come quick Lester fainted!"

"What did you say to him Bomber?"

"I started to tell him that we needed to go shopping for cribs for my sister who just found out she is expecting triplets and all I said was Cribs and he fainted."

"Oh, I have to call Tank and Hal to come witness this when he wakes up."

Bobby passed the smelling salts under Lester's nose after Tank and Hal arrived.

Lester woke up with a start and then started mumbling about cribs and diapers and ….CRIBS!"

"Beautiful, what are you trying to tell me? Are you…are we…?"

"Yes, Les we need to go out and buy three Cribs."

"Three cribs..THREE CRIBS!" and he was down for the count.

Tank said "I think you should get stronger smelling salts Bobby. Did I forget to tell you 'Thank you' for calling me down to see this. This video I am making will surely win me a prize at the Christmas party."

"That's mean Tank." laughed Steph.

"Hey, you set this up little girl. What did you think Lester would think when you told him you both needed to go out and buy cribs?"

"Well, I didn't think he would think it was for us."

"Why not little girl? Don't you think that we all know what's going on when Lester yawns all through the morning and you are wearing black turtleneck shirts and it's August. Or that the telltale glow that outglows 1000 watt light bulbs you wear every morning goes unnoticed by us?" Lester is a mighty lucky….."

"Three Cribs Beautiful? Are you sure?"

"Yes Lester, but it's not for us - it's for Val . Val and the clown are having Triplets and since their last two are still in cribs and they have no money I thought we could buy the three cribs."

"I think you and Les should buy them a case of condoms." laughed Bobby.

"When are they due?"

"Well, Val never lost all the baby weight from the past three pregnancies and she was so busy she didn't notice anything ….the babies are due in 2 months."

"This is the sister that your mother holds up as perfect, Bomber?" asked Tank.

"Yes"

"Perfectly, stupid if you ask me." said Hal.

"Well, the babies can't be punished for having a Saint for a mother and a clown for a father."

All of us went to the super baby store to look at cribs. I wish Tank had loaned me his video camera. I would have won the prize at the Christmas party this year. Four huge, dressed in black, handsome men questioning the poor sales girl about all the safety features the cribs had to offer. I won't even go into the buying of crib mattresses. Lester was just beside himself with picking out the right one. He kept asking customers if they would put their babies on the different mattresses so he could figure out which one to buy for the three cribs. The four handsome men had quite a participating audience in their quest for the "best crib."

I got tired and sat down in a rocking chair and then decided to try out some more rocking chairs and gliders. Watching the guys get so involved was really quite touching and Lester's attention to detail was amazing. He was going to be a great Dad one day. What was I saying! What was I thinking!

Where was my pocketbook Halmark little calendar!

"Uh Oh"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lester's Note:

Beautiful is sitting in a rocking chair holding her little Halmark calendar book and looking a little dazed. I wonder what she is thinking...


	27. Chapter 27

Lester's Notes

Chapter 27

JE owns them…I wish I did

xxxxxxxxxxx

Who knew there were so many cribs to choose from? There were pack and play cribs, portacribs, full size cribs, convertible cribs, and crib and changer combos. The guys and I were interrogating (excuse me) questioning the salesgirl about the different kind of cribs and the safety features. She kept looking between Tank, Bobby, Hal and myself and then she starting making this weird noise. It sounded like bababababbluh, babababbluh over and over again. There was a house phone in the furniture area and Bobby called and asked for assistance. I looked around for Steph but she was busy looking at rocking chairs. So I guess it was up to us guys to get the scoop on the cribs.

The store manager came back, looked at us and called for assistance - maybe it was 4 huge guys dressed in black and carrying more firepower than they had in the toy weaponry aisle. She and the assistant manager answered all our questions and then we started discussing crib mattresses.

I felt after buying a mattress last week I was knowledgeable enough to discuss this and then call over and have Steph join in on the decision making.

Now I learned first hand you have to try out the mattress. So I recruited some little guys and girls to do the testing. Their mothers were very happy to lend us their babies and sat down on some rockers to observe. I don't know what kind of mattress the first one was but every time the baby moved it made a crinkly sound. The poor little guy jumped every time he heard it and then he started to cry. That one was definitely eliminated. I put his delivery blanket down and put him on it on another bed. He made this little noise, stuck his thumb in his mouth and closed his eyes. I think we have a winner.

I looked up and Beautiful was watching me with the biggest smile on her face. I smiled back - isn't she the most gorgeous woman in the world. How did I get so lucky?

Bobby, Tank and Hal came over with a chain with samples of finishes on it.

"What are these?"

Tank explained, "When you choose which cribs you want you have to decide on a finish."

"Why?"

Tank patiently explained "They don't send them out raw."

"What are you talking about …raw?"

Hal said to me "They have to be done."

"Done?"

Bobby then said "You two dummies go stand over there! Les you have to choose a finish like the maple, white or mahogany. I checked and they are non toxic finishes so if the baby decides to teeth on them it will be okay."

"Well, why didn't they say that?"

"Because, they are idiots Lester. What's wrong with Bomber? She is just sitting in that rocking chair staring at that little book?"

I looked over at my beautiful wife and she was just staring at her little Hallmark calendar book. "I don't know - she was just smiling at me a minute ago. I wonder what is on the calendar?"

"I don't know why woman have those little calendar books - Hallmark has made them for years. My Mom always kept one and each one of my sister's got one between their eleventh and thirteenth birthdays. I remember how excited they would be. My Mom used to keep extras because 2 of my 5 sisters got their calendars in the summer."

"One day I looked at two of my sisters' little books and all it had in it was one mark every month. I remember thinking it was code. Jean's had a cross and skull once a month and Amy's had a smiley face. I never did get to sneak a look at my other 3 sisters. A couple of years ago I was in a Hallmark store getting birthday cards and they had the calendars sitting out so I picked up a couple for my Mom. I gave it to her and she thanked me and told me she didn't need it anymore. I'll never understand women."

I left Bobby by the cribs, Tank and Hal were looking at the Jeep stroller and I walked over to Beautiful sitting in the rocking chair. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and a quivering smile. I knelt down beside her and said "What's going on Beautiful? Are these happy or sad tears?"

"I don't know Les."

"What's in the calendar book?"

"Our Future Lester. I love you so much Les, I've never been happier, but I don't know how you are going to take this or deal with this."

"Let me see the calendar Steph, we can do this together."I looked at her little book and all I saw was a little red heart once a month until about 3 months ago and then they stopped. "I don't understand Beautiful, Bobby's sisters used smiley faces and skull and crossbones and you use hearts. What does each symbol mean and why do yours stop 3 months ago?"

"Lester, those little hearts mean I got my period."

"Okay, you had your period up until 3 months ago and then they stopped….They stopped? They stopped….THEY STOPPED! Do you mean…that you…that we…we are going to have a baby?..Oh God Beautiful I love you so much...

...**We're going to have a BABY!"**

Lester's Note:

Bobby you and I have to have a talk about those little Hallmark calendar books. Now see this is where girls keep track of their….

You might want to have a talk with your sister Jean about her attitude.


	28. Chapter 28

Lester's Notes

Chapter 28

JE owns…I borrow…I Sadly return them

a/n Thank you to Emilie Martel for the suggestion that the MM get drunk while shopping and direct customer traffic.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It looks like I'm going to be a Daddy. I'm going to be a Daddy!

"Lester, we don't know for sure. Please try to calm down."

"How can you ask me to calm down. This is the best thing that has happened to me since you agreed to be my wife. I love you."

"I love you too, but we have to make sure first."

"A test?"

"Sure, and I will make an appointment with my doctor. Do you want to go?"

"I wouldn't be anywhere else."

"Now you promise me you will be quiet about this - right?"

"Well, Tank, Bobby and Hal already know."

"Don't worry about them - I'll make sure they don't tell anyone."

"Since it is Saturday afternoon how about I go and rent some movies and pick up dinner."

"That's great I want to take a long hot shower and relax tonight."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Three hours later my phone rings and someone is pounding on our door.

"Steph, this is Eddie and I think you want to come down to Salvatore's grocery" I could hear singing in the background and clapping.

"Eddie, why would I want to come there I'm at home and Les and I have plans for tonight."

"About that Steph…I think you should come here and bring a couple of friends and an extra car. I think you should get here soon before another call goes in….." shouting in the background, 'Take a bow. Oooh traffic stop let Mother goose and her goslings pass….' HURRY STEPH!"

The pounding on the door was getting louder and I answered it while trying to pull on clothes.

Ranger was standing in the doorway laughing. "You'd better come with me. Your husband and my friends are creating a disturbance in Salvatore's and we better go get them."

"How did you know?"

"We do the security and we have everything on tape. By the way, Congratulations."

"What? But…"

"Later Babe"

Xxxxxxxxxx

Ranger, Brett and I arrived at Salvatore's and went inside. People were laughing and pointing to the back of the store. There he was - my husband and his friends and they were drunk out of their minds. Lester was sitting in a shopping cart with his long legs hanging out with a bottle of champagne in each hand. One had a blue bow and one a pink bow. Hal was attempting to push the cart and Tank was directing traffic. Bobby was holding an open bottle of champagne and filling the cart with food, diapers, wipes. He was singing "What Child is This" and Lester was singing back to him "My Child!"

"Lester, what are you doing?"

"Picking up groceries. See, we didn't know what kind of pickles so we got a jar of each kind for my Beautiful" - he said pointing to a cart that was filled with pickles.

Then he pointed to another cart that was filled with every kind of Pregnancy test know to the free world and there appeared to be at least 10 of each kind. There was a cart of ice cream and whipped cream with frozen fruit and chocolate sauce.

My sister was standing there with her mouth open and Tank made the other carts stop while he loudly announced Mother Goose and her goslings were crossing the road again. Then he waved the cart traffic through and slid down on the floor with his bottle of champagne,

My cell phone started ringing and I looked down and it was my mother - Oh God!

It took everything we had to load up the guys and then Ranger had to cuff them and shackle them to keep them in the SUV while I paid for the 'groceries and booze" A total of $558.15. Brett and Eddie were loading the groceries into my SUV.

Morelli got out of his cop car. "What seems to be the problem Mrs Santos?"

"No problem Detective Morelli."

" I heard a report of public drunk and disorderly over the radio. Do you know anything about that Cupcake?"

"Nope"

Just then one of the paper bags fell on the ground and someone put Lester's window down and he was singing at the top of his lungs "She's having my Baby, Yes She's having my Baby!" While Bobby, Tank and Hal were providing back up music. The paper bag split open and some of the EPT boxes fell out. Morelli looked at them, I looked at them. Lester sang louder and I turned and faced Lester who had his head sticking out of the window Singing 'She's having my Baby'

I looked at my handsome husband, laughed and danced over to the SUV

Singing….

**I'M HAVING HIS BABY ! I'M HAVING HIS BABY!**

Lester's Notes:

I really don't remember much about last night. The image of mother goose passes through my mind….I remember singing…. I remember jars and jars of pickles….I need to open my eyes…I look down and Beautiful is snuggled up in my arms and I look around and all over the room and on the bed are these little tubes and sticks and they all are showing positive signs+ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

She is having my baby!


	29. Chapter 29

**Lester's Notes**

**Chapter 29**

**JE owns them I just take them out and play with them**

**She's being very quiet, maybe it's because I have such a headache. ****My phone rings and I pick it up and Ranger barks: **"**Conference room 3 - NOW"**

Uh Oh - this is bad - really bad. I pulled on my clothes, went to give Beautiful a kiss and she offers me her cheek. Oh this is worse - she has never refused a kiss and offered me a cheek. I wish to God I could remember what happened last night. I took 4 advil, grabbed a bottle of water and took the elevator up to 5. I walked into Conference room 3 and there was Tank, slouched in a chair with an ice pack on his head. Bobby was asleep on the conference room table and Hal was crawling into the conference room groaning.

The Conference room door slammed shut and Ranger began to yell.

God kill me now.

"WHAT IN THE HELL DO THE FOUR OF YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING LAST NIGHT!"

"shhhh" murmured Tank "Don't yell."

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO PIERRE!" Ranger walked over to Brown and got real close to Brown's ear and yelled "GET UP!"

Brown tried to get up but fell off the table.

"Seems you assholes can't remember - let me show you."

We watched the Security Tapes and cringed. "I got a call from the store to report your activity. Stephanie got a call from Eddie. Then Morelli showed up wanting to arrest you for public intoxication and lewd behavior. Steph had to deal with her Saint of a Sister threatening a lawsuit on Rangeman for being publicly humiliated by being called Mother Goose with her goslings by my second in command. Since Steph uses a Rangeman phone we saved all her messages. Would you ASSHOLES like to hear a couple of the 225 messages? Let me play some them for you."

'Stephanie, this is your mother, what is your 'mistake' doing at Salvatores grocery drinking and singing that your having his baby. What is Joseph going to say!"

'Stephanie, this is your mother, why are mistake's' friends calling your sister's a fat goose?'

'Stephanie, this is your mother, why is it that I have to put up with your being pregnant…."

'Hey Baby Granddaughter is it true that hunk of yours knocked you up….'

'Pumpkin this is Daddy-make sure it is a boy….'

And Ranger made us listen to all 225 messages. I knew Steph put up with a lot from her family and friends but this was outrageous. I was filled with guilt, all she had asked me to do was keep it quiet till we were sure. I had intended to do that and I had stopped and picked up movies and dinner at Pinos. I remember having a beer at Pino's bar with Tank and Bobby but I don't remember anything after that.

Ranger played the tapes from Pino's, Shorty's and the last tape was of the parking lot at Salvatories when I was singing She's having my Baby with the gruesome threesome singing back up and Steph standing with Morelli and her looking at me. She started dancing and singing I'm having his Baby. What had happened after that?

"I'll tell you what happened after that Santos - Morelli grabbed her and started yelling. She threw up all over him and he charged her with resisting arrest till Eddie stepped in and punched his lights out. 'Watch the video' between throwing up and crying Eddie handed Steph to Ranger. Who put her in his car.

"She cried all the way home, all she kept saying was she just asked you to keep it quiet for a little while. What the hell were you thinking!"

"I don't remember anything.."

"You'd better make this right Lester, start groveling and begging. I ordered some things to help you…you had better make her happy again! You will be of no use to the company today so take the day off and crawl on your knees for forgiveness."

"Hal, here is your toothbrush since you are still crawling - crawl to the staircases and clean. Pierre, you and Brown need to clean the roof for the helipad that is being resurfaced. Take plenty of water it's supposed to be 95degrees today."

"Get out of my sight."

Outside the apartment door was a box of 2 dozen Boston Cream donuts. Three vases of white daisies and three vases of red roses, jars of Jif peanut butter and green olives with no pimentos, 2 family size boxes of butterscotch krimpets and me holding a bunch of mylar balloons with I'm sorry written on them. I knocked on the door.

Beautiful answered the door and looked at me and all the stuff and said "Ranger really wants me to forgive you - this was some of the stuff he used to send. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I'm sorry; I don't remember anything about last night except I love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Why should I, Lester Mateo Santos!"

"Because, you love me and you know I'm not good enough for you. That where you are concerned I do stupid things. That I can't believe that you are having my baby. How many tests did you take by the way?"

"I took every one you bought and the total for that little shopping trip was over $550.00 including 30 jars of pickles and 5 bottles of champagne. The ice cream and frozen fruit melted and had to be thrown out."

"Forgive me Beautiful…please"

"On one condition."

"Anything"

"Sing 'She's having my baby' without the backup singers."

Later that morning, "Beautiful, did you really hurl all over Morelli?"

"Oh yeah, I was hungry waiting for you to come back and the only thing here was that jar of olives with the pimentos. I had forgotten that pimentos don't agree with me. I remember now what happens when I eat them. So does Joe."

Lester's notes: She loves me, she forgave me after I groveled on my knees into the bedroom singing 'She's having my baby' She forgave me 3 times.


	30. Chapter 30

Lester's Notes

Chapter 30

JE created them - I mess with them

"Hey Beautiful what time is our doctor's appointment."

"Our appointment?"

"Where in this together, it's our baby and I am going to be there every step of the way."

"Why don't you have the baby and I'll be there every step of the way."

"I would if I could, but mother nature said No."

"Lester you are crazy, but I love you anyway. The appointment is tomorrow morning at 10 am."

"We'll be ready."

"Lester, this is just you and I having the appointment."

"I thought Bobby should go."

"No"

"No, why no? What if I have questions?"

"It's simple - you ask the doctor. He can go another time. This first time I want it to be just you and me."

"Just you and me Beautiful. Have I told you yet this morning that I love you with my whole heart."

"You have and I love you with my whole heart too."

Les bent down and whispered to my stomach and then kissed it.

"I hadn't told the baby good morning yet or how much I loved him or her."

"Steph, how can I love this little being so much already that I would walk through fire to save her."

"I don't know except that it's part of both of us. Her?"

"Yeah, I don't care if it is a girl or boy, but I think it is a girl. My mother always told me I would have all girls- it would be karmic payback."

The following morning we were in the waiting room filling out papers my handsome husband was trying to be nonchalant. He was being stared at by every woman in the room. I was not being nonchalant I was getting annoyed. Finally, I said "Put your eyes back in your heads he's mine!"

I jumped on his lap and kissed the bejesus out of him. He kissed me back and then laughed. "I think this is why we are sitting here Beautiful."

We were escorted into the examination room after leaving the proper samples and getting weighed. Lester was stunned at my weight. I was getting annoyed thinking he thought it was to much but, he thought I didn't weigh enough. I figured he wouldn't be feeling that way in a couple of months when I looked like the Good Year blimp.'

"You would never look like that to me Beautiful." He was looking around the room and I tried to explain what everything was. He lifted a cloth and grimaced. I blanched, I knew what he found and I wasn't going to share unless he specifically asked me. He then started doing a credible job of The Bill Cosby "Childbirth" skit. I started laughing when he went into the Breathing Cosby part; the doctor walked in and joined the breathing part.

We all ended up laughing and the tension disappeared. I think Les was a little unnerved with the doctor looking at what Lester considered 'his playground' it was confirmed and I was farther along then I thought. I was over 3 months pregnant and Lester was puffed up with pride. I never expected Lester's reaction when he heard the baby's heartbeat. He got a look of wonder on his face and tears flowed down his cheeks, he bent over and kissed me and then my stomach and thanked me for the miracle I was carrying. I cried too. The assistant made a tape of the heartbeat for us to take home.

On the way home Lester pulled into the parking lot of Babies r Us. We went in to look around and ended up at the rocking chair aisle.

He made me sit in one of the rocking chairs and asked me if it was comfortable. I said yes it was the one I had really liked. He proceeded to kiss me again and tell me that was the one he knew I was in when I showed him the Hallmark calendar. He was going to buy it for me so he would always remember me in this chair when I first realized I was pregnant and he would always think of that while I rocked our baby. Who knew this 6'6" Soldier/mercenary would be so sentimental and loving.

Lester's note:

I love my wife and I love my baby How could I be so blessed


	31. Chapter 31

Lester's Notes

Chapter 31

JE is the creative genius I just stand in awe

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I have five and half months before the big arrival. I have been reading manuals, going on line and every security system I put in, I interview the families on what needs to be done to prepare for baby. Usually, the guy shrugs his shoulders and nods to his wife - where were they when this miracle was happening?

The woman smiles at me and tells me to rub Steph's back and feet, send her flowers and bring home dinner or take her out. Tell her I love her when she is tired and cranky and understand she is carrying another person inside her. They tell me to go to all the classes with her and don't try to weasel out because I am busy. I think to myself where else would I be?

I think we should conduct the preparation for our baby like a military operation. Plan, plan again and prepare a plan in case the first 2 don't work. Make plans for any contingency. I mentioned this to Beautiful and she just laughed and said 'be my guest' while she rocked in her rocking chair reading a baby magazine.

I consulted Ranger and the guys at work. Ranger set up a little used conference room for our command center. Dry erase boards were mounted on the walls and lists of preparing for baby have been procured from multiple sources.

First problem identified - housing. A one bedroom apartment is not appropriate for a growing family. We made our list of what was needed in the house. Bulletproof glass windows, glass block windows for the basement, invasion resistant doors. Special insulation that prevents the house from being scanned for heat sources. Installation of the best security system, plans for 8 foot security fence with video monitors. Steph was working on the 5th floor. I proudly showed the list to Beautiful. She read the list for the house and looked up at me and said what about bedrooms and bathrooms? We hadn't even thought about those kinds of things.

"Lester, is it because I'm pregnant that you don't want me anymore? That you don't even think of me that way and want me in your bed anymore? You don't even think about a bedroom anymore?" she asked crying with tears rolling down her beautiful face.

"Beautiful, please don't cry, I love you with all my heart." She started to cry louder. "Beautiful, you mean everything to me. You are my world, you and the baby are my world please don't cry."

It felt like an explosion in the back of my head. Tank had hit me in the back of my head.

"Why is Bomber crying? What the hell did you do!" yelled Tank.

"Santos, mats tomorrow 5:30 am."

"Why? What did I do?"

Ranger looked at me. "I don't know what you did to Steph but it must have been bad - look at her …she is crying like you broke her heart you bastard what did you do!"

"I showed her the requirements for the house and she started to cry because we didn't put in any rooms especially bedrooms and bathrooms. She thinks I don't love her any more because there are no bedrooms."

"Fix it Santos" yelled Ranger. " I can't believe you forgot bedrooms and bathrooms."

"Well cousin, you didn't remember them either!"

Steph started to sob louder. Ella came in looked at the Steph, looked at the paper in Steph's hands and tsked, looked at us like we were six years old and she was very disappointed in us. She put her arm around Steph and whispered in her ear. I did hear that men are jerks and total idiots as she led Steph away.

I went on the computer and looked up put in my requirement minus the list we had prepared. I rationalized we should find the house and then add the items necessary to make it safe. I programmed in the zip code, 6 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, great room, kitchen, 3 fireplaces, dining room, Office, media room 4 car garage on 3 acres with a pool. I got back 6 properties starting at 2 million. Back to the computer - changed search to 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, great room, dining room, kitchen, 1 fireplace and basement with 2 car garage on 1 acre. $775,000 and up. I wonder how long 2 adults and 1 baby can stay in a 1 bedroom apartment.

I went to Ella and Louis' apartment and knocked on the door. Louis answered the door and smiled. He said in a very low voice "this is your first round of pregnancy hormones - she's fine." I walked into their kitchen and Beautiful was sitting at the table with a really large piece of chocolate cake, vanilla ice cream and a bowl of kosher dill pickles. She looked up and gave me a big smile.

"Hey Beautiful! I love you. I'm sorry about forgetting bedrooms and bathrooms, I am an idiot. I put in some criteria for a house and here are some of the listings that are available."

"Les, we don't need a house this big. Why can't we stay here?"

"We can for awhile, but it is only one bedroom and the little Santos is going to need a room to decorate with camouflage or Disney Princesses. Daddy Santos is going to need to be alone with his Beautiful to remind her how much he loves her."

"Okay, tomorrow we'll get on the computer and change the search parameters for the house. Would you like a pickle it tastes really good with the chocolate icing dip." laughed Steph holding out a chocolate covered pickle.

Lester's Note:

The blank face was utilized today. It was the only way to eat a chocolate iced dill pickle.. Happy Thanksgiving!


	32. Chapter 32

Lester's Notes

Chapter 32

JE owns I admire and borrow

Xxxxxxxx

"Les, some packages were delivered today. What did you order?"

"I ordered some Baby name books, pregnancy books and what to expect, a guide to better parenting and I ordered some fairy tale books and bedtime stories."

"I understand the baby name books, pregnancy books, and parenting books, but I don't understand the fairy tale books and bedtime stories. Don't you remember them?"

"I've never heard them."

"What do you mean you never heard them?"

"You know my father was a military man. He was devoted to my mother, sister and myself. He had rigid rules on childrearing. No frivolous bedtime stories or fairytales. I was told each night about an American Hero. I know by heart 39 quotes by Douglas MacArthur what they were and what they meant. My Dad leaned heavily into war heroes. My sister Ginny grew up on Betsy Ross, Clara Barton, Mary Pickersgill who sewed the flag that inspired the Star Spangled Banner. So I decided I need to get to read these ahead of time so I can enjoy them with our child."

"Les, I don't think that the fairy tales and other bedtime stories you heard of are exactly what you pictured, but go ahead I think this is going to be interesting. Why do you have all these markers with the baby name book?"

"I have a plan."

"Didn't the last plan get you in trouble?"

"No well yes. I didn't explain the plan to you fully and when you cried Tank, Ranger, Bobby, Hal and Cal took me to the mats. I'm explaining the plan to you now so if you cry - can you do it without them watching? I still have two black eyes."

"Of course, explain away."

You have 3 colored magic markers and I have 3 different colored magic markers. You assign colors to I hate this name, I could accept this name and I love this name, then you put a check next to the name. We then go over the list together and have eliminated right away the ones that neither one of us like and can narrow in on the names we both like. Why are you looking at me like that Beautiful? You're not going to cry are you?"

"Actually, Les I think that is a good plan except for one thing…I kind of like Lester Jr."

"No Beautiful, Lester is a name that bully's love to pick on. I'm not subjecting little boy Santos to that."

"Did bullies pick on you Lester?"

"Yes they did. I had my first fight in preschool and was sent to the school's disciplinarian."

"Disciplinarian in preschool?"

"Yes, it was my father and I didn't sit down for 3 days."

"WHAT! You don't believe in spanking do you?"

"Beautiful, I will never lay a hand on our child - that's your job. Just kidding, Beautiful we will sit down and explain and discuss."

"Okay, but that is another thing we have to discuss. Les, I don't think I can do this. I won't know how to be a parent."

"We'll do this together, you are going to be a great mommy and I am going to be an awesome Daddy. When the kids need discipline we'll send them to Uncle Ranger and he will buy them toys rather than see them cry."

"Why am I buying your kid's toys Santos?" asked Ranger.

"Because when they get in trouble Beautiful and I are sending them to Uncle Ranger to discuss their punishment."

"You are going to make me the disciplinarian for your children like my parents made your Dad for me?"

"Yes"

"Your right, I would never discipline them like your Dad did. Toys will probably be in the future. How about Tank?"

"Mr. I love Kittens hard ass? I don't think so."

"How about Bobby." asked Ranger.

"Let's face it guys there will be no discipline for the Santos kid. You are all softies."

"Those are fighting words Beautiful. You are going to ruin our hard ass reputations."

"Babe please we can do this - oh hell who are we kidding none of us will be able to punish the little one. What are those books and markers?"

"We are picking names Ranger." Stephanie softly said.

"Where is my book and markers? I don't see any for Bobby and Tank or the others."

"Ranger, we were really going to keep this decision between Les and myself."

"Not happening, we all get a say. This is our niece or nephew we are talking about. You might want to name the little guy Lester Jr. and we couldn't have that. I remember back in preschool when Les and I got in a fight over his name. I couldn't sit down for 3 days…"

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lester's Notes:

Somehow I think Beautiful are losing control and the MM are taking over..


	33. Chapter 33

Lester's Notes

Chapter 33

JE is a genius who created the Plum universe - I bow to her genius.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Lester, I don't do it often, but I am doing it now. I'm putting my foot down The Merry Men are not, I repeat NOT going to name our baby!"

"Relax Beautiful, here is how we are going to keep peace and name our own baby. I have a plan."

"Oh God Lester, you have another plan…."

"You admitted my plan with the Baby Name Book and markers was a good plan. I didn't anticipate the guys thinking they had a vote in Baby Santos name. However, we will let them think they have a say, but in actuality you and I will name our baby. We will be the ones in the hospital filling out the forms. What can go wrong?"

"Les, we are dealing with Ranger and the Merry Men - everything and anything can go wrong…."

"Let's go to bed Beautiful - you need to relax, I need to relax and after we relax I'll read you a bedtime story…."

"Is that what you are calling making love …relaxing…"

"Yes, we have to learn code words to use around the baby. I don't know about you but I intend to relax you 5 or 6 times or more. You appear to be very tense Beautiful."

"I am Les, I am very, very tense."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You look like hell Les!" said Bobby.

"I was up all night with nightmares."

"Did you have a flashback?" asked Bobby.

"No, I could have dealt with a flashback, this was just horrible." replied Lester.

"Was it about a new stalker?" asked Tank.

"No, it was worse."

"Was it about the new baby?" asked Hal.

"No."

"Okay, spill it. Was it about Babe and the baby?" demanded Ranger.

"NO! Have any of you read Little Red Riding Hood?"

"Are you telling me you had a nightmare about a fairytale!" laughed Bobby.

"Yes I did. Have you read it!"

"No." they all laughed.

"Well, sit your asses down and I will read it to you. We'll see who is laughing then."

'Once upon a time there was this beautiful little girl who missed her Granny…

…And the wolf ate Granny…..

…Little Red Riding Hood knocked on Granny's door…

"God, Red don't go in." yelled Hal.

"The wolf dressed in Granny's nightgown…"

"Oh My God, the wolf is a cross-dresser" moaned Tank.

"Oh Grandma, what big teeth you have…"

"Run Red Run!" yelled Hal.

"….all the better to eat you…"

"Run Red Run and yell for help." groaned Bobby.

"….Help…Help…"

"See she listened to me." said Bobby.

"Shut up Brown, Get back to the story Santos." hollered Tank.

"…a woodsman heard Little Red Riding Hood and came with his ax…"

"He only had an ax? Why didn't he have an AK47?" demanded Ranger. "He wasn't prepared for his mission."

"The End"

" The End…what did they do with the wolf's body? How did they comfort Little Red and how did they return her to her mother…." asked Tank and Hal.

"Did Red go to counseling after this traumatic event? If she didn't she could suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome" speculated Bobby.

"That woodsman should be reported." barked Ranger.

I left the guys in the Santos baby command center discussing the fairy tale Little Red Riding Hood. I was scheduled for an installation.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Two days later I went to the command center and Tank, Hal, Bobby and Ranger were sitting in a stupor just staring into space.

"What's up guys" I asked.

"Have you been sleeping?" asked Bobby.

"Not as soundly as I usually do, but it is getting better. Why?"

"Because, we haven't slept in two days."

"What are you doing tonight?" asked Bobby

"Beautiful and I are going to read Hansel and Gretel."

xxxxxxxxxxx

Lester's Notes:

How did generations survive on Fairy Tales when there aren't any ratings on them - these stories are NOT for kids.


	34. Chapter 34

Lester's Notes

Chapter 34

JE is the proud owner and she generously shares

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Ella, I don't know what I am going to do. They are driving me crazy. Somehow, I've lost control and it scares me."

"I know sweet girl. They have gotten completely out of control."

"What do I do? I'm tired, short of breath and my bladder feels like the baby is doing a cha cha on it. Last night, during the night Les asked me if I could turn over in the other direction because the baby's kicking was keeping him awake. I know he was half asleep but he hurt my feelings" Steph started crying. "Then this morning when I was taking the elevator, Bobby told me maybe I wouldn't gain weight if I used the stairs. When I started to cry I heard Ranger mumble you ought to 'suck it up' and get some exercise." with that Steph started to sob.

"What's wrong with Bomber?" asked Bobby.

"Besides all of YOU!" yelled the sweet tempered Ella.

Bobby looked at Les, Ranger, Hal and Cal "What did we do?"

"I'd say it was pregnancy hormones but Ella isn't pregnant." said Louis leaning against the doorway. "I'd think about what you guys have said and done to Steph and maybe you'll come up with the problem."

"We've been nothing but supportive. We've been reading books, set up a Baby command center, encouraged exercise and good eating habits….we've been perfect." said Ranger.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Well, we could try this…."

"Do you think that will work?"

"I don't know, but you and I will sure get a lot of laughs. I'll order them."

"How many?" asked Steph.

"We get a price break if we order 6 of them." said Ella.

"How long before they get here?"

"Hey Babe, I saw you take the elevator again this morning - start taking the stairs little Mommy."

"Ask for overnight shipping and charge it to Ranger." said Steph gritting her teeth.

Xxxxxxxxx

At the end of the morning meeting Steph stood up and smiled at all the men present. " When Les and I announced that we were having a baby you all promised to support me during this time. I want to show you the recording of that meeting now."

"Well, congratulations are certainly in order." said Ranger. "I know I speak for all of us when I say we will do everything possible Steph to make this time special and will go to any lengths in this endeavor. Isn't that a promise men." there were nods all around and hugs and kisses.

"Today I am holding you to this promise. I have checked all your schedules and it seems that the core team had today listed as an in house day with the focus on planning. No outside events are allowed. That works well for what I planned. Louis can you bring the boxes in."

"Thank you Louis. Ella can you come in and help me fit the gentlemen. Good. Gentlemen, as you promised you are going to support me in my pregnancy for the next 24 hours at a minimum. Louis has placed a box in front of you. You may open them up now."

"What the f is this?"

"No way little girl…."

"Bomber, you are out of your mind if you think I am…"

"Babe…"

"No way…."

"Gentlemen may I remind you…."and she played the tape again. "Ella let's get started."

Thirty minutes later 6 rather red faced macho men exited the conference room wearing pregnancy empathy bellies. They weighed 30 pounds each, simulated kicks and stroking from the 'baby' added pressure to the bladder area. There was a belt that constricted breathing and extra heavy pregnancy breasts. This all worked together in changing the center of gravity, after a period of time the lower back would ache and they would start to waddle.

They would wear them for 24 hours including during the night.

"I feel really ridiculous." said Tank. Lula came up from behind him and said "But Tank baby this is mother nature. You'd look just beautiful. Do those words sound familiar? That's what you said to me when you were trying to convince me to get pregnant so that Steph would have company."

"Oh Hi Lula baby."

"Save it Tank and by the way I have made arrangements to spend the night so that you keep your empathy belly in place."

"Babe, this is undignified for the owner…."

"I will remind you of your promise. I will also tell you that a dormitory like room has been set up in the 'baby command center' and you all will be sleeping in there monitored. You all will continue with your regular activities and gym time and there will be no using the elevator. You must use the steps today,"

"Babe, none of those things will be a problem."

"Good to know Ranger."

.

_**2 hours later….**_

"I don't know why women complain this isn't so bad." said Bobby.

"Yeah, I guess it's because they are the weaker sex." said Hal.

_**6 hours later….**_

"I can't get anything done, I keep having to stop and go to the bathroom. This is ridiculous." said Tank

"Well, whose bright idea was it to take a break from the meeting and do a five mile run? And then walk the 7 flights of steps to Ranger's apartment to have lunch? Oh yeah that was Ranger." said Bobby.

"I can't believe….(puffing)…how much….(puffing)…thirty pounds makes…(huffing)…a difference." said Hal. "I….thought…(puffing)

I was in ….(huffing)..good shape…"

"My god I can't believe Beautiful goes through this 24 -7."

"I hate to say it but it would have been nice to use the elevator"

With that Steph coming up behind Ranger said "Suck it up Ranger…I believe that is what you said to me the other day."

"Babe, you heard that ?"

They walked into Ranger's apartment and the table was set. They were each served a bowl of fat free chicken broth, 3 carrot sticks, an ice cream scoop of tuna fish w/ff mayo, 2 rye crisp and an apple.

"Where the hell is the rest of lunch?" yelled Tank.

"That is what Bobby decided that pregnant women should eat for lunch. It is a balanced nutritional lunch I believe he said."

"I'm starving…" whined Hal.

"I believe Hal you once warned me that if I gained weight I would have to carry my belly in a wheel barrow. In the words of our famous leader "Suck it up"

**To be continied:**

Lester's Notes: UH OH!

Many thanks to Mik N'Jirnav for suggesting the MM wear empathy bellies


	35. Chapter 35

Lester's Notes

Chapter 35

JE owns them and shares them - I am very grateful that she does

Many thanks to Mik N'Jirnav for suggesting the MM wear empathy bellies

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Previously**_

They walked into Ranger's apartment and the table was set. They were each served a bowl of fat free chicken broth, 3 carrot sticks a ice cream scoop of tuna fish w/ff mayo, 2 rye crisp and an apple.

"Where the hell is the rest of lunch?" yelled Tank.

"That is what Bobby decided that pregnant women should eat for lunch.

It is a balanced nutritional lunch I believe he said."

"I'm starving…" whined Hal.

"I believe Hal you once warned me that if I gained weight I would have to carry my belly in a wheel barrow. In the words of our famous leader "Suck it up"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"It's only been six hours and listen to them Ella."

"Yes, it's not pretty is it." said Ella laughing.

"I'm glad Hector is getting this all on tape,"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"We've been wearing these damn things for 7 hours and my back is killing me." complained Bobby.

"Well, your stomach is complaining louder than you are." observed Ranger

"Get something to eat to stifle that thing! I don't eat much but I have to say I am hungry. Let's go get something to eat and take a break."

They walked into the lunch room and Ella said. "Oh Good I was just going to bring in your snack."

"Great we are starving what's for snack." said Tank.

"Well the schedule calls for a cup of sugar free lime jello, 1 slice of pineapple and ½ cup of fat free cottage cheese. This was Mr. Brown's suggestion to replace pineapple upside down cake, it's fat free and sugar free - Enjoy."

Xxxxxxxxxx

"Steph if looks could kill Bobby would be dead with his pineapple upside down cake substitute. However, Lester is being an angel and not complaining one bit."

"Wait till tonight Ella…."

Xxxxxxxxxxx

My boobs and shoulders are killing me. The weight of the boobs are pulling on the straps and cutting into my shoulders. My upper back across my shoulders is just aching. I need some aspirin." said Tank.

"You can't have any aspirin you're pregnant." said Bobby.

"Right now I'm sorry for all the comments I've made to Lula when she says her shoulders and back hurt. She wants to have a breast reduction and I've not been very supportive. In fact, I've been an asshole about it telling her they are not hers they were developed for me."

"Damn, you have been an ass." said Lester.

"Why are you walking like that Ranger?" asked Hal.

"Walking like what?"

"Ranger, you are absolutely waddling." observed Hal.

"No, I'm not."

"Oh yes you are." laughed Tank "You are absolutely waddling!"

"Shut the F up Tank or I'll see you and your boobs on the mat!"

"No Fighting Boys! Remember you must remain serene and placid.

You don't want to raise your blood pressure." said Steph walking by eating a Butterscotch Krimpet.

"Give me a kiss Beautiful."

"No Lester you just want to kiss me so you can taste my tasty cake!"

"No Beautiful, I just need one of your sweet kisses."

"Stifle it Santos! That's how you got her pregnant and us in this mess. Keep your lips to yourself!" yelled Ranger as he waddled back to the conference room.

"Suck it up Ranger." laughed Steph as she walked away licking her fingers.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lula walked into the conference room and blew a whistle.

"It is now time for you all to go to the gym and work on your lamaze breathing and stretching yoga exercises."

"What?" moaned Hal.

"You all have to go and learn how to breath properly NOW MARCH! This is a direct order from Bobby Brown. Thirty minutes of breathing, stretching and then you get to walk forwards and backwards doing pelvic exercises to strengthen you muscles for childbirth."

"What the hell is walking forward and backward doing pelvic exercises?" asked Lester.

"I read it in the new magazine I subscribed to it's called Making the most of your pregnancy and love life." mumbled Bobby

"There you go again, Lester this is all your fault. When Steph has this baby you are to never touch her again. That's an order." yelled Ranger.

"Getting a might touchy are we Ranger. That is probably your pregnancy hormones speaking. AND by the way, that order will never be followed." Said Steph. "Suck it up."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

To Be Continued…

Lester's Note:

Who knew that Ranger after 8 hours would have pregnancy hormones and waddle like a duck. Don't let Vinnie in the building….


	36. Chapter 36

Lester's Notes

Chapter 36

JE shares, I borrow, she makes oodles of money, I make none

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Previously…**_

"There you go again, Lester this is all your fault. When Steph has this baby you are to never touch her again. That's an order." yelled Ranger.

"Getting a might touchy are we Ranger. That is probably your pregnancy hormones speaking. AND by the way, that order will never be followed."

Said Steph. "Suck it up."

Xxxxxxxxxx

"This is impossible"

"It can't be done!"

"Well, I can't seem to coordinate the breathing and the hissing."

"It's not hissing it's sh..sh..sh it's supposed to be cleansing breaths."

"Lester, I'm going to clean your clock if you don't shut up."

"Ranger, you've had a child – don't you remember any of this?"

"YES, I remember I wasn't there !"

"Well, I am going to be there. Little Santos is going to see me there smiling."

"Most likely with two black eyes if I have anything to do with it!"

"Ranger, your pregnancy hormones are flaring again!"

"Shut up Brown! Where are Tank and Hal?"

"In the bathroom again."

"I think they are using that as an excuse. No one has to go that much…."

Whistle blowing and Lula shouts..

"Will you listen to yourselves! I have never heard such whining and complaining…TANK! HAL! Get your asses out here NOW! Are you trying to hide in the bathroom …Don't make me come in there and get you! I Will Come in there and I will bring Hector with ME! GET OUT HERE NOW! I'M Coming in….."

"Lula Baby…"

"Don't Lula Baby me Tank. Get your asses down on that floor and start breathing! We are on a schedule. Don't you roll your eyes at me Mr. Brown-this is your exercise and your schedule."

"Now just a minute Lula, I own this company…."

"Are you sure you want to start something with me Mister Ranger Manoso. I would think about that if I were you ….I think I know someone who would be willing to teach you a thing about respect."

"Are you threatening me Lula."

"In the words of all our mothers, that is not a threat Mister! That is a promise!"

"Mothers? Did she say Mothers?"

"Are you afraid of your mothers Gentlemen?"

"Hell Yes!" they shouted in unison.

"Good! Now Mr. Brown you are going to demonstrate the forward and backward pelvic thrust exercises."

"Do I have to?"

"Your program, your exercise , yes you are going to demonstrate."

Steph and Cal run into the gym… "Bobby, there is something wrong with Lester.. He's just laying there in a fetal position muttering…"

"M… fau…I'mmmm…s….m….fau….

"What's he saying Bobby? What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know Bomber. He seems to be in some sort of breakdown. Let's check his blood sugar." said Bobby reaching for his medic bag that Cal was holding.

"M…I'mmmmm…s…..m….fau….."

"His blood sugar is low…"

"It's probably because of your pineapple upside down substitution…a man can't live on sugar free lime jello….maybe you ought to check all of us" yelled Tank.

"Stifle it Pierre!" yelled Ranger.

Next thing Tank and Hal are trying to have a fight but their bellies are in the way and they are just rolling around the floor. Hal lands on his back and can't roll on his side. Tank starts to sit and point to Hal who looks like a turtle who can't right himself. Lula tries to help but starts to laugh.

Steph kneeling by Lester's side starts to sob loud sobs with tears streaming down her face. Ranger just sits and shakes his head and then….

There is a gym full of women led by Ella. It is ….

The MOTHERS!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lester's notes: I.. so…y….B…th….is….a….m….fau….M…!


	37. Chapter 37

Lester's Notes

Chapter 37

JE shares - Thank goodness

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Previously….**_

Next thing Tank and Hal are trying to have a fight but their bellies are in the way and they are just rolling around the floor. Hal lands on his back and can't roll on his side. Tank starts to sit and point to Hal who looks like a turtle who can't right himself. Lula tries to help but starts to laugh.

Steph kneeling by Lester's side starts to sob loud sobs with tears streaming down her face. Ranger just sits and shakes his head and then….

There is a gym full of women led by Ella. It is ….

The MOTHERS!

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

Mrs. Santos knelt down next to Stephanie and put her arm around her, took her hankie and wiped her tears. "Stephanie what is wrong with Lester?"

"I don't know what's wrong. It could be low blood sugar from not eating enough and following the pregnancy diet that Bobby designed. We just tested his blood sugar and it's low and Bobby gave him some glucose."

"Excuse me Stephanie, did you say my son Robert Alonso Brown designed a pregnancy diet? You did say that… a pregnancy diet?"

"Yes."

Mrs. Brown reached down and grabbed Bobby's ear and hauled him up to look at her. "Just what do you know about Pregnancy Robert! And what the hell were those obscene gestures you were showing the others before poor dear Lester had his breakdown!" She yelled while still holding his ear and shaking his head. Tears were running down Bobby's face.

"ANSWER ME!"

Tank started laughing at Bobby when his mother 6'2" 200 Vanessa landed a blow to the back of his head.

"Don't you dare laugh Pierre! I understand you have been less than kind to Stephanie while she is in her delicate condition! Have you been mean?"

"No, Mama I haven't been mean!"

"Have you been understanding? And don't you dare lie to me Pierre!"

"Well, I could have been a little more understanding when it came to all the times she had to use the bathroom and…"

"AND Pierre ?"

"Her obsession with dill pickles that are iced with chocolate frosting."

Another powerful whack to the back of Tank's head. "This from a baby who had me drinking straight vinegar for 6 months."

"Halken Smyth Bordeaux stand up like a man and quit rolling around like an overturned turtle. What do YOU have to say for yourself! Telling this poor sweet little girl that if she gains weight she will need a WHEEL BARROW FOR HER BELLY! I spent 18 hours in excruciating pain trying to get that 10 pound body of yours out of me and this is what I get in return. Unsympathetic ass of a son with no compassion. I'm ashamed of you!

"And you Ricardo Carlos Manoso just what do you have to say for yourself." said the 5' diminutive mother of Ranger. Her finger was wagging right under is nose.

"Mama, I wasn't mean to Stephanie."

"SUCK IT UP is I suppose kind and supportive Ricardo to Stephanie your cousin's pregnant wife….threatening your cousin with black eyes to greet his newborn baby is SUPPORTIVE!"

"How did you know I said that Mama?"

"I was watching your disgusting display of bad manners and cruelty on the monitors. I have requested a copy of these tapes to take home and show your father."

"Not Papa Mama don't show the tapes to Papa!"

"My God Ricardo you do WHINE! And yes I am showing them to your Papa. I wouldn't want to be you when he comes home or should I say here tonight!"

"Papa's coming here?"

"Yes and he is bringing your Abuela!"

"Abuela?"

"Oh, Ricky you are so in for it with Abuela coming" chimed in Tank, Hal and Bobby. Followed by a whimper on the part of Hal, a hard smack on the back of Pierre's head and Bobby's scream when both of his ears were boxed.

"Beautiful? Mama?"

"Oh Lester are you okay?"

"I'm sorry Beautiful! I had no idea how hard it would be on you to have my baby."

"Oh Les, I love you so much. I love being able to have your baby I just am having a hard time with Ranger, Tank, Hal and Bobby thinking that they can tell us what to name the baby and have as much to say about our baby as we do. It is our baby not theirs."

There was total silence in the Gym as the mothers of Ricardo, Pierre, Robert and Halken turned to their sons and squinted their eyes….

Double UH OH

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lester's Notes:

I don't remember much but having a breakdown got me some good kisses and a proud mother. Go figure. Why are the guys screaming again….


	38. Chapter 38

Lester's Notes

Chapter 38

Sharing is a good thing, JE shares

Borrowing is a good thing, returning is a hard thing.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

_**Previously…**_

"Oh Les, I love you so much. I love being able to have your baby I just am having a hard time with Ranger, Tank, Hal and Bobby thinking that they can tell us what to name the baby and have as much to say about our baby as we do. It is our baby not theirs."

There was total silence in the Gym as the mothers of Ricardo, Pierre, Robert and Halken turned to their sons and squinted their eyes….

Double UH OH

Xxxxxxxxxx

"Ricardo, can you explain to me why you and the boys think you have as much to say about what they name their baby as they do?"

"Well, we have been in on everything since the beginning and it just feels like since we started planning this mission…."

"This mission…Ricardo?"

"We've even set up a Baby command center where we are planning all of our strategies…"

"Is that where the operation on Pregnancy diet and exercise was hatched?"

"Mama it wasn't 'hatched' it was strategized with alternative plans in place."

"Well, we have all seen how well that strategy worked haven't we!"

"What was your back up plan Robert, since your first diet plan and exercises failed miserably."

"I didn't exactly have a backup plan." muttered Bobby.

"That's what I thought!"

"What do you mean you didn't have a backup plan Brown - we never go on a mission without back up plans"

"**STOP IT ! Les and my baby is not a MISSION! I've had enough."**

"That's it Stephanie - you tell them girl." the mothers high fived each other.

"You are the Uncles and will play an important part in this baby's life. You will love her and hug her and protect her but, you will not name her! Les and I will, I will eat what I want according to what the doctor suggests. I am joining the Y so I can swim for exercise."

"HER did you say Her. We are having a little girl Beautiful?"

"Yes, Les it's a little girl. I was going to tell you tonight."

"Okay Men back to the command center this changes everything. We have to plan for Baby Girl Santos…."

"**STOP WHERE YOU ARE -NOT ONE STEP FARTHER!"**

"Mama, we have a mis.. we have plans to make. Please excuse us."

"Ricardo, if you take one step or utter one word I will let you have it. This is Lester and Steph's baby. IF they need your help…IF they want your input they will ask for it. NOW march up to your apartment - your PAPA will be here in a few minutes."

"Robert, Pierre and Halkin we will expect you with your mothers in 45minutes."

"Now Stephanie, you take Lester home with his Mama and celebrate.

You will have a beautiful baby girl in a couple of months.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

"I don't see why we have to go see Ricardo's Papa."

"The reason is Pierre because your papa is no longer with us to set you on the straight and narrow and I asked Mr. Manoso to _**straighten**_ you out. Whatever he decides to do you will accept. Do I make myself clear!"

"Yes, Mama."

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Robert, you remember to be polite and respectful to Mr. Manoso and listen to every word he has to say or else."

Xxxxxxxxxx

"Halken, don't disappoint me again!

"Yes, Mama"

Xxxxxxxxxx

At the designated time Pierre, Robert and Halken knocked on Ranger's door.

The door was opened by Abuela carrying the largest wooden spoon they had ever seen. They each flinched, turned around to look at their mothers and followed Abuela in to the apartment shutting the door behind them.

The mothers turned around and got in the elevator were Mrs. Manoso who had stolen her son's fob scrambled the cameras, leaned against the sides of the elevator and laughed their asses off.

"I think they would rather be in the deepest jungle than be in that apartment with Abuela slapping her hand with the big spoon."

"Ricardo Sr. just loves his mother's intimidation factor. He will stare at them and walk back and forth, his mother will glare and slap the spoon. We will go back in about 30 minutes and they will walk out like limp noodles. Not one word will have been spoken or one hit by the spoon. They will agree to anything we suggest."

"Come on ladies …lets go see the Baby command center."

Lester's Note:

A little girl...we are having a little girl...I have to get more weapons...


	39. Chapter 39

Lester's Notes

Chapter 39

JE owns, shares and makes money I borrow, return and make none

Xxxxxxxxxx

RPOV

One hour of being stared and glared at by Papa.

One hour of hearing that damn wooden spoon being smacked against Abuela's hand. The United States Government should hire these two individuals; you wouldn't need water boarding or any other form of torture or interrogation. After fifteen minutes of the glare and smack, the prisoner would confess to anything being asked.

I watched the beads of sweat form on Hal's forehead. Bobby who was black turned green. Tank, who had been through the glare and smack interrogation before, turned white and his right leg kept jumping. I internalized the whole situation. I didn't sweat, jump or turn color - I have no skin on the inside of my cheek, I had chewed it off.

Santos of course had been excused from the torture. He was downstairs with Babe celebrating the fact that they are having a little girl. Oh yeah, his troubles are just beginning if that little girl looks like Steph. Probably he is already doing a mental inventory of his weapons. If only it was a boy, things would have been so much easier. But, no his x of his xy chromosome had to hook up with Steph's x. I can't trust my cousin to get this one thing right. He is just not disciplined.

We will all love that little girl baby and be doting Uncles but a boy would have been so much easier. Damn.

How much longer is Papa going to glare and stare If only he would say one word to release the tension. Abuela's hand has to be stinging and hurting. I wonder if after all the years of doing this if she has any feeling at all in her hand?

Okay, Hal just passed out and fell on the floor. I'm sure Papa is happy 1 down and 3 to go.

I wonder what trouble Mama is getting into with the other mothers?

That they think that they can go anywhere in my building is really pissing me off. Of course, I wouldn't dare say anything unless I wanted my head knocked off my shoulders with the spoon.

I think Bobby is going to be the next one to pass out his green shade is changing to green/yellow, kind of like pea soup, he also has beads of sweat on his upper lip. My brother Rafe turned that color once right before he passed out and hit his head on the fireplace andirons. Yup, he got 20 stitches and no sympathy from Mama, Papa or Abuela. That was when he was caught teaching me how to hot wire Papa's car.

Yup, Bobby's down for the count.

You know these empathy bellies are really uncomfortable but they kind of make a shelf to rest things on. I'm ESPing Tank '_give it up and pretend to pass out.'_

Receiving message from Ranger…_Huh, why should I be the one to pass out._

…_because you are the second in command and I am your boss_…

.._well asshole, you can take the dive, this is your papa and abuela not mine_….

…._do you still want a job tomorrow_?….

…._yeah like you would get rid of me, what would happen when you were on a mission asshole huh Ricky!_….

…_shit why aren't you afraid of me?…_

…_..I haven't been afraid of you since 2__nd__ grade and I beat you up at recess…_

The front door opened up and in walked the MOTHERS and they are holding the Santos Baby Plans from the Baby Command Center…they are showing them to Papa…there is a crash….they are all glaring at me…

Tank's down….

Things seem to be getting gray around the edges and like I'm looking at things from the end of a tunnel…..

Xxxxxxxxxx

Lester's Note:

I wonder how things are going with the guys. My mother and Beautiful are talking about a canopy crib, I don't have enough weapons. There is a knock at the door. The rest of the MOTHERS walk in and they are holding the Santos Baby Plans from the Baby Command Center…._Uh Oh! Crash….._


	40. Chapter 40

Lester's Notes

Chapter 40

JE loves to share, I love to borrow

Xxxxxxxxxx

A look into the future…..5 years down the road

"Les, why do we have to wait till Christmas Eve after the kids go to bed to put up the tree and decorate?"

"Because, this way it looks like Santa did it."

"It's going to be a really long night. It's a good thing I had Lizzie's bike assembled by the store."

"I wanted to do that Beautiful. You shouldn't have done that."

"Les, you are going to have your hands full setting up the train, and race track, and tree."

"The guys are coming over to help."

"Oh that is so reassuring after the fiasco of last year. I told them to leave most of the beer at Haywood. I don't want the kids remembering them passed out in the Living Room again with them all wearing Santa Hats. Well, everyone except Ranger. He'd better not throw out the Christmas cookies like last year and substitute mini whole wheat biscuits."

"He won't Beautiful, I hid the cookies."

"Where did you hide them?"

"In your lingerie drawer - want to fool around?"

"Not now - don't you remember the result of fooling around last Christmas? It arrived in the form of Patrick and Sean nine months after Christmas."

"Yeah, my two boys!"

"Yes, and the gift in the hospital from Ranger declaring you had finally been disciplined enough to get the Y's of your chromosomes on the right mission this time. I don't even want to know what led to the discussion of disciplining your chromosomes."

"You really don't want to know Beautiful. That conversation took place after Jenny and Jane were born a year after Lizzie."

"There should have been a warning on our marriage license. BEWARE - Twins on both sides of the Family. Husband with absolutely No Control!"

"I didn't hear any objections on your part Beautiful." said Les kissing her ear and caressing her.

"Stop! We have had five children in 4 Years - Zip that Zipper!"

"Is that an approved form of birth control?"

"It is for us - you must keep your parts behind the Zipper. I'm tired of being classified worse than my sister and the Koughn. Fertile Mertle is a repulsive nickname. Father John is holding me up as the example of shining Catholic Motherhood. I never even thought that I wanted children."

Lester's body was shaking with laughter. "You didn't want children, you wanted me and I wanted you."

"Lester, what are you doing?"

"If you have to ask we haven't been doing it enough."

"Lester, zip the zipper."

"Too late Beautiful…"

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

"What the Hell - what have you two been doing - the kids have been in bed for hours and the tree isn't even up" said Ranger.

Tank said "Lovely glow you are wearing Bomber."

"Oh for the love of God Santos, I hope you were disciplined this time."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lester's Note: I was half disciplined next set of twins on the way. One girl and One Boy.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Just a little fun on my part…

I wish that peace and love fill your hearts this Holiday Season.

Susan


	41. Chapter 41

Lester's Notes

Chapter 41

JE owns and shares

I borrow and return

Xxxxxxxxxx

They were sitting around the table laughing. "Well, apparently we still have it."

"They are Absolute amateurs!"

"This was certainly easier than I ever expected it to be."

"Did you see his face when we walked in?"

"Sheer terror and they call themselves bad asses."

"Really Carlos, your son sat there and I could see the calculating of how long I could continue to slap my hand with that damn spoon. Good thing I had a new tube of benzocaine to numb it." said Abuela laughing.

"Yes, Mama. I saw it thanks for picking up the Visine. It helps the dryness in my eyes when I'm doing all the staring and glaring. How is our little Stephanie doing?"

"I'm fine Papa thank you for all your help. Do you think they will stop picking on me?"

"Of course my dear Stephanie. We dismantled the Baby Command Center and set it up as a day care center for when the baby girl arrives. I just know they are going to love the pink we painted it. It was sheer brilliance Ella when they see the framed baby pictures of them hanging on the walls. I love Carlos Jr. naked on the bear skin rug."

"I don't remember a picture like that Maria."

"You wouldn't, we didn't have one. I photo shopped it on our computer."

"That was brilliant my dear."

"I really like the one you did with Pierre having the reverse Mohawk"

"Oh, I didn't photo shop that one. Pierre did that to himself at the age of eight right before Christmas. Would you like to see Santa sitting on Pierre's lap?"

"How big was he at that age?"

"He was 5'10" who knew he would end up at 6'8"?"

"…..and bald."

"….he's always had an unnatural way with a razor and his hair."

"I loved when he and Carlos were ESP ing upstairs and he kept rubbing his head like he had hair."

"What were they think talking about."

"Carlos wanted him to fake passing out. Pierre refused."

"So, you know what they are ESPing Papa?"

"Yes, my dear that is how we caught them all the time when they were younger. It's a gift."

"The one thing you have to remember Stephanie is that these men all love you. Whatever, they have done is because they love you no matter how misguided it has been. They have had more missions facing evil than we can imagine. They have done it bravely and with honor. They look at you having this baby and they are terrified that they will fail you or the little one. You must have patience with them and if it gets out of hand all you have to do is call and we will be here for you."

xxxxxxxxxx

"Are they gone yet?"

"No, they are meeting with Babe in my apartment. Let's go to the Baby command center and make some plans for after they leave."

"OH MY GOD!" What have they done! What is this color!" yelled Ranger.

"According to the paint chip it is Strawberry Kisses." said Lester.

"Nice butt Ranger - do you still have the bearskin rug?" laughed Tank pointing to the picture.

"We never had a bearskin rug and I'm going to kill Hector he's the one who taught my mother photo shop. Hey Pierre, what did Santa tell you he wanted for Christmas!"

"Shut the F up Carlos Jr."

Lester was looking at the bookshelves with baby dolls and tea sets. He was really quiet.

"What are you thinking Les?" asked Bobby.

"Beautiful and I are really having a little girl, whose going to look just like her….and someday some little boy like us is going to ask her out…."

"**WE NEED MORE WEAPONS!" yelled Les, Ranger, Tank and Bobby and Hal.**

Xxxxxxxxxx

Lester's Notes

While we are taking inventory of our weapons we wish you all a Happy New Year!


	42. Chapter 42

Lester's Notes

Chapter 42

JE owns all the characters - I stand in awe

Xxxxxxxxxx

"NO!"

"What do you mean no!"

"She said no."

"She can't say no."

"She did."

'What were her exact words"

"NO! If you want to do another test run to the hospital strap Hal's blow up doll in the front seat with a basketball in it's lap and knock yourselves out!""

'Hey! I don't have a blow up doll…"

"Now! But you use..."

"Shut up Brown I only had it for the Santos bachelor party."

"Right!"

"What else did she say Santos?"

"That we were driving her crazy, especially you Ranger, and she had your mother on speed dial."

"Crap"

"She also informed me that if we didn't back off - when she did go into labor she would call a taxi and when it was all over and the baby was born she would send out a text message. I'm not missing the birth of my daughter or being with my wife- so back off!"

"Where is she now?" said Ranger gritting his teeth.

"Lula just picked her up. She left here smiling up a storm….Kind of like the smile you have on your face Les." said Tank.

"For God's sake Les your wife is eight months pregnant!"

"I Know - she's more beautiful every day." laughed Les.

"Where is she going?"

"She's going to the mall, then she's going to the Y for her pregnancy swim class followed by her pregnancy yoga class then she is going to lunch at the MooCow creamery. Then she is going to her book club, and then she is going to Cosco and Sam's Club for their International samples extravaganza."

"Isn't Moocow Creamery an exclusive ice cream place?" asked Bobby.

"Yes, she is going for the Honeymoon Vanilla ice cream, chocolate mint Brownie with pistachios and cherries topped with hot fudge ganache."

"What the hell is that?" barked Ranger.

"It's what she designed last night. Last week it was Decadent Chocolate pound cake topped with decadent chocolate ice cream with chocolate chunks and hot fudge with chocolate whipped cream. She called it Chocolate to die for" It was so popular they are adding it to their menu. They offered her a job after the baby comes to design new ice cream deserts."

"What does her doctor say about this ice cream obsession?"

"He meets her there to try out her new combinations. Then he sits down and watches and listens to her eat it. He can't believe she has only gained twenty pounds he's gained thirty five pounds."

"How much have you gained Santos!"

"Not an ounce, it all the exercise Steph…"

"Don't say it …Just don't say it!" screamed Ranger.

Bobby, Tank and Hal started laughing.

"What's the matter Ranger, your highly trained metabolism has taken a vacation? We notice a little overflow around the middle…" laughed Tank.

"MATS in fifteen minutes!" Ranger yelled over his shoulder on his way out.

"Has anyone told him his mother put sugar in his protein shake mix?" asked Hal.

"Hell no and the more weight he gains the more protein shakes he is drinking to try to lose the weight." laughed Bobby.

"Where you going Les?"

"To order flowers for Steph. After meeting Ranger on the mats I'll probably be out of commission for a few days."

"Maybe you will be out of commission Les, but so will Ranger after Steph gets through with him for beating up her husband."

Xxxxxxxxxx

"Bobby, do I have a concussion?"

"Yes and your lucky it isn't a fractured skull. I have never seen blue eyes glow red after Bomber saw Lester's black eyes that you gave him. What was she screaming when she ran in your office swinging the rolling pin?"

"It sounded like Abuela's Ranger Tamer…I think that was what she was yelling before she hit me with it and knocked me unconscious. She also knocked two of my teeth loose. Can you have Ella make me one of my protein shakes..."

"Sure I can and by the way your mother is coming down to see you with another gallon of that protein shake mix you like."

Xxxxxxxxxx

Lester's Notes:

When I can open my eyes again and can see I have to locate the Ranger Tamer and hide it before it ever becomes the Husband Tamer.

.


	43. Chapter 43

Lester's Notes

Chapter 43

JE Owns I Borrow

Xxxxxxxxxx

I've been having twinges all day on and off, but I am not saying one word about it. **Not One Word! Zip the Lip! ****Perfect the Blank Face!** Do anything possible to keep the idiots unaware.

I was sitting in the break room eating my lunch when a twinge became a pain. I moaned it hurt so bad. Tank walked into the break room, right at that moment, and he stopped and looked at me. I put a smile on my face, held up my tuna sandwich, and took a bite and moaned some more. He smiled and said…

"I think I'll have a tuna sandwich too, little girl. It must be really good today if you are moaning over it."

I took a quick look at the clock. I went down to our apartment. I cleaned out the refrigerator. I checked my bag for the hospital. I found that my I pod that I had carefully programmed play lists for my stages of labor had been replaced with a new I Pod and the music was all classical. One of the selections was the 1812 Overture with Fireworks. I guess Ranger deemed it appropriate for the baby's grand entrance. All the soft t shirt nightgowns I had bought had been replaced with ugly maternity cotton stiff fabric nightgowns with flaps in the front for easy access for nursing. I still hadn't made up my mind if I was going to nurse. Apparently, that wasn't my decision either. My bottles of flavored water had been replaced with plain water. The mini tic tacs that the nurse practitioner had recommended to keep my mouth moist had been removed from the plastic bag. The books I had packed to read about a female bounty hunter had been removed and child rearing books had been added. My hair products had been replaced and instead of my regular toothbrush that I powered with my own hand I found a battery operated toothbrush. The pampers I had packed had been replaced with cloth diapers and the soft pink onesie with the white eyelet trim and the matching bonnet and blanket had been replaced with a black onesie with Property of Rangeman embroidered on its butt with matching baseball cap and black blanket. I heard the front door open so I shut the bags and went to the bathroom.

Les knocked on the door and asked if I was alright. I told him I was _**just fine**_. He asked if I was going to take a shower. I said, "Yes" and then I said gritting between my teeth, "_**You'll be taking cold showers for the next twenty years."**_

"What did you say Beautiful?" I flushed the toilet and turned on the shower so he wouldn't hear me moan in pain. I looked at my watch 15 minutes in between contractions.

I got out of the shower grateful I had had my legs waxed last week. I hadn't seen my feet in a month. I called up to Ella and asked her if she knew where my things that had been in my hospital bag where. She started talking in Spanish and I knew she was not saying good things about her nephew. She said she would find them.

There was a knock on the door and Ella walked in with my stuff in a new bag. She put it in the bedroom and brought out the other bag and then sat down with me.

"How far apart are they sweet girl?"

"Ten minutes"

"Why isn't Les here?"

"I haven't told him yet."

"Why not sweetie. He should be here with you."

"I know, but if I tell him the others will find out. I can't bear it, they will take over."

You shouldn't be here alone. Have you called the doctor?"

"He said to go to the hospital when they are five minutes apart."

"I'm calling Lester. Les this is Ella, are you alone? Good. Put your blank face on and come down to your apartment."

"He's on his way sweet girl. Now let's get you up and walking it will help things along."

The door opened and Lester rushed in - there was no blank face - there was a face of sheer terror. "Are you okay?"

"Calm down Les, I'm in labor and I just wanted you to be with me while we wait till it's time to go to the hospital. I just want to be alone with you."

Not two minutes later Bobby rushed in followed by Tank. "What's going on. Cal called from the control room and said you came down here and you had a look of panic on your face."

"No, everything is just fine here guys, really. I just wanted Les to come down and take me for some ice cream." Now, I know they believed me and I could have gotten away with it if my water hadn't broken and ran down and formed a puddle on the floor.

Tank fainted, Bobby threw up and fainted, Lester turned and grinned and said, "That was worth seeing Beautiful! Let me help you over to the chair and I'll take a picture and then I'll clean up everything."

Lester took pictures of me sitting in the chair, Tank and Bobby on the floor, Ella sat with me and we laughed at the hunky men unconscious on the floor. I had another contraction which Les coached me through when the front door opened up and Ranger and Hal ran through. Hal hit the wet floor and fell with Ranger on top of him. Les grabbed his camera and took some more pictures. Ella laughed harder. She got the ammonia capsules out and revived Tank and Bobby.

Les and Ella mopped the floor when another contraction hit. They are getting a lot closer together. "Les, I think we ought to go to the hospital."

The guys jumped up and started running in every different direction. Hal ran out the door yelling he had to change his wet clothes. Bobby ran out the door to brush his teeth and use mouthwash. Tank ran out the door and we don't know where he went. Ranger grabbed the bag he had packed for me, thereby admitting his guilt without a word spoken and he and Les ran out the door to get the car. Ella and I were left standing in the middle of the room shaking our heads.

The phone rang and Cal told us that Les and Ranger had jumped in the SUV and had peeled out of the garage ripping off the security gate in the process.

I picked up my cell phone and called my Dad to pick me up in his taxi.

Ella carried my bag and we walked out through the garage past the security gate laying on the ground. My Dad pulled up and Ella helped me in. She gave me a kiss and said she was making some phone calls and would be at the hospital in a few minutes.

My Dad and I pulled up to the entrance of the hospital and received our parking ticket from the attendant when a Black SUV came careening down the hill speeding through the exit taking the drop gate with it. My father looked at me shaking with laughter, "I think they finally realized they forgot you."

T B C

Lester's Notes: There are no words to express this FUBAR event.


	44. Chapter 44

Lester's Notes

Chapter 44

JE owns and I borrow

Xxxxxxxxxx

a/n I would like to thank all of you for your constant support and encouragement for Lester's Notes. I am going to put this story on hiatus. I will continue it at some time in the future when I can start writing it with a fresh and quirky perspective again,. In the meantime, I will continue to write A New Kind of Someday and work on a new story about Ranger, Steph and the Merry Men that is rattling around in my head. Thanks again and be reassured that Lester's Notes will be back in the future.

_**Susan**_

_**Xxxxxxxxxx**_

_**Previously…**_

"_**I think they finally realized that they forgot you."**_

Xxxxxxxxxx

I took out my phone and sent a text message to Les….

I warned you that if you kept this behavior up I would take a taxi to the hospital and text you when your daughter was born. I took a taxi to the hospital because you forgot me. I will text you when the baby is born.

Xxxxxxxxxx

My phone beeped indicating that I had a text message. Oh God….

"Pull this f…king car over!"

"What?" barked Ranger when he stopped the car.

"She's not going to let me be with her when she has the baby you asshole! Give me her bag." I tugged on it as I jumped out of the SUV and it opened up and all the contents spilled out. "What the hell is this stuff! This isn't what Steph packed where is the pink onesie with that white trim? What the hell is this black onesie with Property of Rangeman on it!"

"I packed more appropriate items." said Ranger

I reared back and punched him in the face - he was going to have one hell of a shiner when he woke up. I left the bag and started running back to the hospital. I ran into admitting for obstetric patients.

"Where is Stephanie Santos?"

"Ms. Stephanie Plum-Santos has been admitted and taken to the labor and delivery floor. Who are you?"

"I'm Lester Santos, her husband."

"Oh you're, in her words mind you, the asshole who forgot her."

"Yes, I'm that asshole. Will you please direct me to where I can find her?"

"No"

"What do you mean no?"

"She removed you from her visitors pass. She said she would text you when her daughter was born. Sir, please step aside or I will call security."

I took a deep breath, I lost her and I lost my little girl and when I turned around I faced the steely blue eyes of Frank Plum.

"I expected better of you Lester."

"I know. I really let her down and now I have lost her."

There was a commotion coming in the door with paramedics pushing a gurney with an unconscious Ranger on it.

"What happened to Ranger son?"

"I punched him when I found out he had repacked Beautiful's hospital bag with items he deemed appropriate. He had packed a black onesie embroidered with 'Property of Rangeman' on it….for our beautiful daughter. God! No wonder Steph is mad, this whole thing is out of control. This is our baby Not theirs!"

"Well, now there seems to be some inkling of hope for you yet."

"Will you talk to her please Frank? I need to be there for her and the baby."

"I'll see what I can do."

xxxxxxxxxx

"Hey pumpkin, how is it going?"

"This is hard Daddy, is Les here?"

"Yes he is and he has tried everything to be up here with you. He found out about your bag and the one Ranger packed for you. He saw the black onesie and went ballistic and punched Ranger and left him unconscious on the side of the road and ran back to the hospital.."

"He did?"

"Yes Pumpkin he did, he's miserable all he wants is to be with you and be here when your daughter comes into the world. I know you want him here with you."

"I'll call down and tell them to let him up. I love him so much Daddy but he has been such an ass."

Xxxxxxxxxx

"You're an ass Lester Santos."

"I am."

"Are you going to stop being an ass and be here for me and our daughter and stop this idiocy?"

"Yes and I'll do whatever I have to to make this right."

"Good, now help me focus."

Four hours later Arianna Kaitlyn Santos entered the world

"She's so beautiful she looks just like you Beautiful, Look at her curly hair and blue eyes and porcelain skin. Thank you so much for giving me this beautiful little girl. I love you so much." Lester bent down and kissed Steph.

I left Steph sleeping and walked out to the waiting room where there was no room at all. Steph's family, my family, the core team's mothers, Ella and Louis and all the Rangeman, Connie, Lula, Mary Lou and Ranger with his black eye.

"Steph has just delivered our beautiful little girl whose name is Arianna Kaitlyn. She weighs 7lbs. 1 oz and is 19 inches long. Steph is fine and is sleeping right now. In a little while, the baby will be in the nursery and we can all walk down and see her.

Thirty minutes later Les pushing Steph in a wheelchair accompanied by Ranger, Bobby, Tank, Hal, Cal and their parents arrived at the nursery windows and waited for the curtains to be pulled open. Joe Morelli arrived pushing a wheelchair with his wife Amy, he acknowledged them with just a nod.

The curtains opened up and in the middle of the front row was Arianna in a pink sleeper swaddled in a delivery blanket. Even at this early age of 2 hours old she was the spitting image of Steph right down to the light covering of curls. She opened her eyes and they were the same blue as Steph's. Frank Plum just sighed. "Your going to have your hands full Les."

A nurse carried a baby dressed in blue over to the little bed next to Arianna.

She laid the baby down and everyone there sucked in their breath. It was the spitting image of Ranger. The baby had black hair, the same skin tone and eyes. He also had a blank look on his face.

Ranger's mother and father leaned closer to the window where the boy baby was and then they turned and looked at Ranger. "Ricardo Carlos Manoso explain this."

"I don't know anything about this Mama."

A nurse came in and looked at the babies wrist bands and put cards with their last names in the slot. One said 'Girl - Santos' and then 'Boy Manoso' was placed in a slot.

"Okay, who paid off the nurses to do this - This is NOT Funny." yelled Ranger.

"Nobody paid off the nurses. You are looking at your son - the one you left behind one night nine months ago. I tried to contact you but you didn't leave behind a name or a number when you disappeared in the middle of the night. I only found out who you were two days ago when I saw your picture in Washington."

To say that everyone was stunned and speechless would be an understatement. Then Tank, Bobby and Hal started to laugh.

"What are you laughing at this isn't funny."

"No, but that is." laughed Tank pointing to the nursery.

Baby Boy Manoso had turned his head and was staring at Baby Girl Santos.

Baby girl Santos had turned her head and was staring at Baby boy Manoso.

The blank stare had left Baby boy Manoso's face.

A nurse was holding a new occupant to the nursery Baby Boy Morelli who was looking down at Baby Girl Santos and he scrunched up his face, started to cry and turn red and then started waving his arms around. Baby Boy Manoso looked up Baby Boy Morelli and stared blank faced at him.

"Oh No you Don't! You get your boys away from my Daughter!" Lester picked up the phone to the nursery and a nurse picked up the phone in the nursery. "I know the fathers of those two boys. I need you to move my daughter away from those boys Please!"

"Mr. Santos, they have every right to be in this nursery with your daughter."

"Fine! Let them stay and move my daughter to her mother's room. I'm standing right here do not leave her with them unchaperoned for one second. Tank, give me your gun."

"Les, please calm down. Those are babies nothing is going to happen. Look Les our baby is closing her eyes and trying to go to sleep. She's not interested in the boy babies."

"Beautiful, I know she's not interested in them, but look at the boys.!"

Both boy babies were staring at Arianna.

"Les, we are in trouble, how are we going to keep them away…"

Xxxxxxxxxx

Lester's notes: First I'll start out with water pistols…


	45. Chapter 45

Lester's Notes

Chapter 45

Xxxxxxxxxx

_**Previously….**_

"Les, please calm down. Those are babies nothing is going to happen. Look Les our baby is closing her eyes and trying to go to sleep. She's not interested in the boy babies. "Beautiful, I know she's not interested in them, but look at the boys.!"

Both boy babies were staring at Arianna.

"Les, we are in trouble, how are we going to keep them away…"

Xxxxxxxxxx

Two days later Les and I left the hospital with Arianna. Ranger left with Ricardo Carlos Manoso III. The woman who gave birth to Ranger's son wanted no part of a baby. She had papers already filled out relinquishing her parental rights. She handed them to Ranger and walked out of the hospital.

Ella put a nursery together for Ranger's son who was called Trey.

In the first 30 days there were 25 nanny's hired and fired to take care of Trey.

He was a good baby his father was horrid, impossible to please and a genuine pain in the ass to be around. He wanted Trey on a rigid schedule, the baby wasn't cooperating. The baby wanted to eat when he was hungry not when scheduled. It was a war of the wills. Trey was up at 2 am screaming, you could hear him through the building. Stephanie had wanted Ranger to bond with Trey so she stayed away from them. Arianna was an easy baby, she was a happy baby easily satisfied. But after 1 hour of that little boy screaming Steph broke.

I didn't know she still had a fob to Ranger's apartment, I'll bet he didn't either. Three AM and Steph tied the belt on her robe, put on her hamster slippers and left our apartment and ran out the door, into the elevator and up to 7. She fobbed her way into Ranger's apartment. You could hear the yelling but you couldn't distinguish the words. Bobby came running over to stay with Arianna and Tank and I went up to protect Steph. I think we should have protected Ranger.

We walked into his apartment and she was holding Trey who was crying so hard he was gasping for air. Because she was holding Trey she was only using 1 hand and I didn't know there were so many obscene gestures that could be used with one hand. She was yelling over the baby telling Ranger where he could put his schedule and that she was going to use her foot to inbed it further and more painfully.

She turned and looked at Tank and I. Tank shrank back and gulped. She pointed at him and said get this baby's clothing and diapers and bottles and bring them downstairs. She looked at me and said get the bassinet and take it downstairs. She looked at Ranger and said, " I'm taking this baby home tonight I'll see you in the morning and be prepared to have you ass whipped by me."

Ranger turned white, nodded yes and stepped out of her way as she murmured to the baby on her wait out something that sounded like I'll put your father on a schedule that will rip your father a new one. He won't know what hit him…..

…And so a village with Steph as the chieftain was raising the children in this case Arianna and Trey. The following morning Ranger had come to our apartment as ordered and Steph had given him his orders.

Ranger's schedule had been flushed down the toilet. There were to be no more Nannies. She was going to be the one giving Trey "motherly" care along with Arianna. If Ranger didn't like it he knew where he could put it and she would call the Mothers in for support.

Trey and Arianna flourished under Steph's love.

Three years later…

Steph was in her office with the door open she could hear the whine of the vehicles in the hallway. First in the doorway was Arianna in her pink Barbie Jeep then came Trey in his black F150 truck.

"Hi Mommy! Trey and I wanted to know if you would take us on a picnic at the park. Grandma Ella packed our lunches and they are in Trey's truckbed."

"Do you want to go on a picnic Trey?" He gave a slight nod yes.

"Okay. Let's go. Arianna will you go tell Daddy, Trey you go tell your Daddy."

Arianna backed up her Barbie jeep and floored it going out the door. Trey just sat in his truck.

"Trey are you going to tell your Daddy?" He just shook his head no. "Why aren't you going to tell him? This time he shrugged. "You know he will want to know where you are going don't you?" He shrugged again. "Trey, he will want to know, he loves you very much. Your Daddy is like you he doesn't always have the words to say it but he loves you. Now go tell him where you are going." She watched Trey back his truck up and head to Ranger's office.

She walked to Ranger's doorway and watched the two word conversation.

Trey pointed to the lunches and said "Picnic" Ranger walked over looked at the back of the truck. And said "Okay"

"Ranger, I will see you when we get back and the kids are taking their naps. It's time for your evaluation as a Dad and it's not going to be good."

I walked down the hallway and met Arianna and Trey with their vehicles at the elevator.

"Oh I see, you are riding and I am walking. How is that fair?" Arianna and Trey laughed.

"Don't worry Mommy, Daddy is coming along and he is going to hold your hand and tell you secrets in your ear like he always does."

I turned around and there was my hero with his lunch in a paper bag that Ella had given him. We all got on the elevator to go to the park with Les and I in the corner and he started telling me secrets in my ear right away.

"See I told you Trey, Daddy would start telling Mommy secrets right away."

Trey looked up at us and smiled and turned to Arianna. "Ari can I tell you secrets too?"

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Lester's Notes:

Secrets? Trey wants to tell Arianna secrets…I don't think so."


	46. Chapter 46

Lester's Notes

Chapter 46

Standard disclaimer

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_**Previously…**_

"See I told you Trey, Daddy would start telling Mommy secrets right away."

Trey looked up at us and smiled and turned to Arianna. "Ari can I tell you secrets too?"

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I thought it was cute that Trey wanted to imitate Lester and tell Ari secrets unfortunately, Lester did not. Les loves Trey like he was his son and for all intents and purposes he is. Yes, biologically Trey is Ranger's son. But, it is Les who reads him bedtime stories, goes to school for parent conferences, he is the one who held him in his arms while they put the cast on his arm and rushed him to the hospital when he had appendicitis. He never left him alone and stayed in his room while Ranger took time out from business to visit him and brought a two year old a chess set. Les taught Trey his ABC's for school and how to burp them for the amusement of the Merry Men.

Lester didn't find it cute when Trey want to tell Ari secrets because it reminded him that someday some boy would want to tell Arianna 'secrets' and Les didn't know how he was going to avoid killing that boy who ever it turned out to be.

On the way out of the garage Les stopped by his SUV and took out a big bag. He winked at me and refused to tell the kids what was in it until we got to the park and ate our picnic lunches. After lunch the kids waited patiently while Les set up the newest toy…T-Ball. He had bought the t ball setup and balls, bases and baseball gloves, Trey's was a miniature baseball glove in black - not an imitation glove of plastic but one made of real leather. Arianna's was a leather glove in pink - her favorite color. He bought them baseball shirts and baseball hats. God, I love this man. While he was explaining in 3 year old language and terms what the game was I was taking pictures I also pulled out my cell phone and made a call.

"Look out your window at the park"

"I'm getting ready for a meeting Babe."

"Look out the window you jackass!"

I saw him come to the window and look into the park.

"This is how it is asshole…Les is teaching your son how to swing a bat and hit a baseball. Now you have a choice to make. In years to come is anyone going to remember the meeting you are planning? Is Trey going to remember the meeting you are planning? What will he remember about today? He is going to remember a picnic and Les teaching him his first lesson on how to hit and throw a baseball."

"You have a choice to make on what kind of a father you want to be. The father who never had time or an interest or a Dad who was always there for the important stuff. Sure you will have his school pictures and other documents of his life, the $200 chess set he had no interest in sitting on your shelf. What will your memories be Ranger? Don't worry about Trey, Les and I will make sure he gets what he needs for his memories. Les will explain football, baseball, soccer, algebra and girls. Les will teach him how to tie his tie for his first dance and you can get richer and richer and be alone. Your choice - think about it… planning a meeting and making money or being part of your son's life."

In the background the kids were squealing and laughing. Les had each kid under his arm and he was running the bases with them.

There was nothing but silence on the phone with Ranger looking down at the park. He watched Trey be put down on the ground with Arianna. He watched his son jump and tackle Les and yell with Arianna "I love you Daddy."

"Your choice Ranger, it's always been your choice." Steph said softly into the phone. She hung up and said a prayer "Please God, Help him make the right choice."


	47. Chapter 47

Lester's Notes

Chapter 47

Standard Disclaimer

Xxxxxxxxxx

_**Previously…**_

There was nothing but silence on the phone with Ranger looking down at the park. He watched Trey be put down on the ground with Arianna. He watched his son jump and tackle Les and yell with Arianna "I love you Daddy."

"Your choice Ranger, it's always been your choice." Steph said softly into the phone. She hung up and said a prayer "Please God, help him make the right choice."

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5 years later…

"Slide Trey, Slide!" yelled Arianna as she ran across home plate with Trey following her. They were both on the traveling all star little league team and their coaches lifted them to their shoulders in the celebration of the victory. The Rangeman Little League team had won the New Jersey championship for the 10 and under division. The people in the stands were cheering as if they had won the World Series. Three of the fans had forced the coaches to sit down while the team, with help, lifted the cooler of Gatorade over their heads.

Ranger looked at Les and laughed, "We did it" he said while wiping the Gatorade off his head with a towel.

"Did you have any doubt we would!" laughed Lester taking a towel and a kiss from Steph.

"Hell No. With Trey playing short stop and Arianna pitching the other team didn't stand a chance."

Tank walked up in his umpire uniform and grinned. "….and there wasn't one fight like last year when Morelli umped the game and had 4 fistfights over his calls."

"Of course not Tankie, who would argue with any of your calls." laughed Lula.

"Les, are you almost done here?" asked Steph.

"Ranger and I planned to take everyone out for ice cream Steph. Are you okay?"

"I'm just a little anxious to get going." she replied with a grimace.

"Having a craving Babe?"

"No Ranger I'm having a contraction and I don't think the twins are going to want to wait around while everyone gets ice cream.. Les…Ella put my bag in the SUV this morning when she realized that today was the day. I have the keys to the SUV so you can't forget me this time. Bobby, Hal can you pick up Lester, he seems to have fainted. Cal, can you drive me to the hospital?"

"What about me Babe?"

"Take the team for ice cream Ranger I'll see you later.

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RPOV

I thought back to that day when Steph laid it out in no uncertain terms what I would be missing if I kept up my current course of action of business first Trey second. The second lightning bolt to my head and heart was when I heard Trey say to Les "I love you Daddy."

My son loved Les, who was more of a father to him than I was.

I thought back to a couple of weeks before that when Steph and Les took Arianna and Trey to the shore to have a day on the beach looking at the sandcastle competition and building sandcastles. Trey brought me his sand bucket and shovel and assorted molds, he pulled on my hand and tried to get me to go. I got impatient and told him sternly no. I had a meeting.

That night he returned from his trip to the beach. Arianna was so excited and showed me their trophy for winning first place in 3 & under competition for sandcastles. She had the digital pictures of their winning entry. I asked Trey about it, he just shrugged his shoulders and turned and walked away from me. I found him later showing Tank, Hal and Cal the trophy and pictures. When he saw me he grabbed the trophy and pictures and walked away again. He was already shutting me out of his life. I couldn't remember what the meeting was about, but I still remember those three year old slumped shoulders as he walked away from me. He was already cutting me out of his life.

What finally crystallized everything to me was Lester. Lester the loving husband and father. Lester, who when he felt his family or friends were being threatened became the monster that Uncle Sam created. When Lester's enemies faced, Lester the monster, they didn't survive. I looked into his eyes and finally understood the last thing that his enemy saw and I wanted to be anywhere but staring directly into the monster's eyes.

The eyes were a frozen green, shooting lasers that shredded my skin and leaving a wasteland of nothing behind. His voice was pure steel, I flinched when I heard his words…

"Listen to me you mother fucker and hear my words for I will never say them again. I have watched you with your son and given you every opportunity to be a man and a father. You are neither…you're a heartless, soulless bastard who was given a Miracle by God to redeem yourself. You have failed God and your son. I had thought with Stephanie that if anything happened to us we would leave our precious Arianna in your care to love and protect. I would rather see her raised by a stranger in foster care than to entrust her to you."

"I am giving you one more chance to man up and become a father to Trey or I am taking him from you."

"I will arrange for you to meet your God, if you have one. No body to be found so you will not have final resting place. There will be no monument to the hero erected. There will be no place for fairytales and legends of your courage and heroism to be told. You will be nothing in Trey's future. He will forget you, because there is nothing good for him to remember. He will have wonderful memories of his childhood built around our family. You will be a passing black thought that has no significance because you have no significance in his life. You have 48 hours to make these changes …I hope you make the right choice."

Never again would I choose a meeting over time with Trey. I have built my life around Trey…now I have to take 16 kids out for ice cream. I hope somebody, besides me, orders a vanilla cone…..

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Lester's Notes…We all have a monster inside of us waiting to be let out to protect our families…mine is scarier than most. I'm not afraid to unleash him if I have to. I prefer to keep him hidden behind a grin.


	48. Chapter 48

Lester's Notes

Chapter 48

Standard Disclaimer

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Previously…

Never again would I choose a meeting over time with Trey. I have built my life around Trey…now I have to take 16 kids out for ice cream. I hope somebody besides me orders a vanilla cone…..

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SPOV

It's been a fun ride. Once Ranger got his head out of his ass he joined us in parenting, Arianna, Trey and the twins. Yes, the evening of the State Championship Les and I had twin boys.

We named them John and Jason. They looked just like Les and they were Double Trouble. Between the two of them one would think of what would get them in trouble and the other one would expand on it. They were climbers, so Les, Ranger and the rest of the MM built a climbing wall in the gym when they were two. Ranger called in one of his friends and had harnesses fitted for them every year.

One day when the twins were 4 I got a call from Les to stay where I was and he sent Hector to make sure I did just that. Hector had learned to speak English and he told me nothing was wrong there was just a little glitch in a system. I knew that was a bunch of bull and told Hector so. He just smiled at me and started to give me a neck massage. I was looking out the window when I saw all the Rangeman SUV's come speeding into the garage. UH OH! This was not a good sign.

Ella was escorted into the room I was in by Luis and he stood at the door.

In a low voice Ella told me something was happening in the gym. I looked at her and she looked at me and we both said TWINS. Ella jumped up and pretended to faint Hector and Luis rushed to her side and I flew past them out the door and down the steps.

I ran into the gym to find all the guys looking up.

Earlier in the week a couple of zip lines had been put across the gym's ceiling by the guys to have some fun on a rainy weekend. They hadn't realized that the boys had watched them. Les and Ranger were on "twin duty" while I was working to finish their dreaded reports.

The boys had wandered over to the climbing wall and harnessed each other up and proceeded to climb the wall. Not one of the MM, Les or Ranger had paid attention. So goes that theory of them always being aware of their surroundings!

One of the zip lines was about a foot off the end of the climbing wall so John and Jason wanted to try it out and borrowed some clips, figured out how to attach them and went for a ride. The problem was they didn't have enough weight to keep up the momentum and they got stuck midway. They loved it. They started bouncing, they had their forbidden, by me, slingshots with them and their bags of, forbidden by Ella, gumballs and the MM were their targets. First victim was Tank who thought Hal was responsible. Hal was still laying on the ground unconscious after Tank punched him. Cal had started to walk over and stepped on a gumball and fallen. Bobby came over to help Cal and saw the gumball just as he felt one hit his head. He looked up and almost had his eye put out. He yelled at them and yelled for Les and Ranger who were sparring…they looked up and panicked. Les had sent Hector, Ranger had the control room call everyone in. Brett had harnessed up and was climbing the rockwall when Vince stopped him. Vince was afraid that Brett's weight combined with the twins weight would be to much for the zip line and it would break.

Ram, Les and Ranger figured to get the boys down they needed a bucket truck, but there was no way to get a bucket truck into the gym, Ram suggested explosives and knock a hole in the gym wall to bring in the truck. They were trying to figure out how much explosives they needed. Louis came down and suggested scaffolding. Ella and Hector stood there and Ella and I looked at each other again.

"Men!" said Ella with a disgusted look.

I looked up at my boys. "**DROP THE SLINGSHOTS**!" I yelled.

"Mommy!"

"**NOW!"**

Two sling shots were dropped…

"**PUT THE BAGS OF GUMBALLS IN YOUR POCKETS-NOW!"**

Two bags of gumballs disappeared.

"Now shimmy over to the end of the zip line by the climbing wall and come down here."

"But Mommy…"

"**Move it NOW BOYS….don't make me come up there after you!"**

They shimmied over and climbed down. They had there heads down and slowly walked over. I looked over at Ranger and Les and made the come here sign. I glared at the rest of the guys while Les and Ranger moved to where I was standing. "Upstairs Now ."

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LPOV

When Bobby yelled, Ranger and I stopped sparring and looked up.

My God, my baby boys were hanging on the zip line midway across the gym 30 feet in the air. "Don't move boys! I called Steph and calmly told her to stay where she was and sent Hector go make sure Steph stays where she is till we get the boys down."

Ranger was on the phone to the control room telling them to pull everybody back and to get all available men to the gym.

I realized the boys were not scared. They were using their slingshots with gumballs for target practice on the guys. I realized in the back of my mind that they were really accurate. I saw them aim at the bell on the boxing ring and heard the two pings from them hitting it. Ranger looked over at me and said "They have one hell of an accurate eye" Then he laughed.

"You realize Steph is going to kill both of us. We were supposed to be watching them while she wrote our reports."

"Well, let's figure how to get them down, then we will call our lawyer and update our wills because you are right she's going to kill us." replied Ranger.

While all avenues of rescue were being considered Stephanie ran into the gym looked around and the looked up.

She yelled and I looked around behind me to see where my mother was, so did Ranger and every other guy in the gym. When had Steph developed a ***gasp*** **mother's voice.** The boys dropped their slingshots, pocketed their bags of gumballs, shimmied across the zip line and climbed down the wall, and walked over to where she was standing with their heads down.

Steph looked up at us and beckoned us over. Ranger and I walked over and she quietly said "upstairs." It's a long walk to the executioner's office.

"Steph, when did you get a mother's voice?"

"I got it last month when the boys learned how to pick locks and broke into Ella's food storage locker and ate all my Little Debbie Swiss Rolls."

"Beautiful, you only eat them when your pregnant...

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Lester's notes…

With all the plans we were working on to get the boys down not one of us thought to tell them to come down. This was definitely a KISS moment. I think after the boys are given a fair hearing Ranger and I are in for a Keep It Simple Stupid lecture. Then I want a real kiss to make up, heck make that a lot of kisses. Ranger, what the hell are you doing in my Lester's Notes.

Ranger's orders...

all this kissing has to stop Hey! don't use the delete key stop-im-med-


End file.
